It's just me

What do I say? Where do I start?

   My life has always been a roller coaster of crazy emotions! I can never get them on one level. I think the only consistency I have is anger, just pure anger. At times I'm sad, happy, anxious, scared, depressed, but never normal! One thing I have found about myself is I'm always paranoid! I like it! But at the same time it's stressful because it's taken over my whole life, but honestly id rather live in he'll than to let something like this happen to my children. 

This has led me to cut off all communication with family. I come around here and then but never for to long. I consider my family just me and my kids. I used to consider my husband to but I just don't want to any more. Friends? I try and be a great friend for the time being I just always loose contact. I can never keep people around long enough! 

What am I feeling now? There is only one thing I feel right now , that's b.s .. I feel that life itself is just a bunch of bullshit, including everyone that's in it!