It's happening again...

I don't really have much time to update everyone right now. Maybe tonight, Idk.. basically I'm just getting worse. I tried to talk to my ex the other day and it really didn't go well. I can't ever seem to say everything I want to say and she's not really listening anyways. Lately I haven't spent much time sober. I've been getting drunk almost every night for the past week or so... So far I'm surviving.. barely, but surviving.  honestly really haven't been doing well and I feel myself just slipping. I don't know how much longer I can stand this and feel completely out of any motivation to do anything to get out of it.
I'm worthless! My life has gone absolutely nowhere. I'm 28 and I'm still working a dead-end job, living off my mom and her boyfriend, and can't do anything right. I feel meaningless! I never should have survived this long, I should be long dead...
These feeling didn't start with my ex... I've felt this way for a long time and despite popular belief, for a good chunk of the past year she's actually made me feel good about myself for a change... but even that's changed. She's not always like this, and there's a very clear cause for her change when she changes like this but when she gets like this, she pretty much echos all the darkest depressing thoughts I've ever had. If I ever opened up to her, she'd use what I said against me.. and I feel like she's right. She's been waffling like this a lot and keeps saying the same things and I feel like she actually believes it.
 
She's right about me. I don't know why anyone would waste their time with me..