It's going to be an interesting summer

  Sunshine and warmer weather the last few days but thunderstorms are again predicted for today!  Just want to get the rest of the flowers and vegetables in the gardens before the heavens open up! 
T-Man.  I have to remind myself that although he may be turning 20 next month ~ he's only stuck at 12 or 13 ~ the time he started using.  My hubby and I tried to talk to him the other day about what we expect of him but he wasn't listening.  One hand on the door to go out and no eye contact.  He nodded his head but I know he wasn't listening or cared to.  Regardless, the other day I told him that he had to do a chore before he left the house and he threw a fit ~ swearing ~ telling me that I can't throw these things at him at the last minute.  Last minute!  He was only up for a short time.  The beach is more important anyway.  So after that incident ~ didn't hear from him or see him.  I long since given up texting or calling him.  I asked my husband to try and he said he went to a campsite with friends.  That was on Thursday - today is Saturday.  My husband could get him a job at his tennis club that has a pool and workout rooms.  Cake job - not interested.  He's the only one of his friend who doesn't have a job.  He wont' do volunteer work like we told him he had to do if he won't work and he refuses to do that as well.  No more laundry, no more buying him his favorite foods, cell phone is off once he gets home, and we've long since stopped buying him cigarettes to get him to cut the lawn.  His defiance makes it a bit easier but it's still hard.  I don't understand it.  I believe he's "just" smoking pot and drinking now because he's not like he was one he was experimenting with the other stuff but still....... annoying.
The other son, on the surface, doesn't appear to be depressed like he says he is because he's active.  He's running, playing tennis, soccer, went shopping to buy the plants for our garden,socializing, and making plans to study in Germany next fall.  Yet - he can't sleep, he can't focus on the school work his professor gave him a long extension on, and he tells me he is.  I admire him so much that he's not giving into it.  He finally concluded that he may need medication after all.  I am just as nervous about it as he is, however.  When he was in high school our family doctor prescribed Lexapro for him without giving him some important information. It would have helped if he had included me in on it - like "watch for this" or "call me when".  So when my husband was on his annual golf trip (dramatic things always happen here when he's away on this particular trip) my son comes into my room in the middle of the night crying, telling me how sad he is and that he couldn't sleep.  Me?  I feel guilty about not responding to him the way I should have but I didn't know any better so I try and let that go.  I told him to give the medication a chance!  He wasn't that sad before taking the meds! I was also frustrated by the doctor.  He gave us his pager # but we could never get through.  Why I just didn't call the office instead, I don't know.  Part of it, I think, I was numb.  At some point (not sure how long it was after that incident) I called an ambulance.  I couldn't get him up for school and wanted to take him in the doctor.  He refused.  I told him I'd have to call the police and he said he didn't care.  So the police came and I end up having to call an ambulance to take him to the emergency room about a 45 minute drive away ~ that has an adolescent psych ward.  I couldn't get an appointment for months ~ so it took an emergency to get him to see a psychiatrist. Truthfully, I had no idea how bad he was but I knew he needed intervention.  My intention was just to have him see someone.  When he was evaluated the doctor who spoke to him told me that he needed to be admitted.  Believe it or not, I was surprised.  
Even after that 4 day stay in the hospital and on new medication (that takes months to get to a therapeutic level) his teachers were indignant.  Except for his physics teacher (who had been through something like this with a former student) they didn't believe he was depressed.  I knew this by their attitudes, my son's guidance counselor who told me (he didn't believe it either) and by the physics teacher who actually called me at home to tell me what they were saying.  That was why I became an advocate and pushed the Principal to do more.  I went to the school district administration building and talked to the curriculum director asking for a teacher in-service about teen depression.  The Principal had other ideas.  He wanted to get a speaker to help teachers motivate students (if they're depressed - that in-service wouldn't help).  I ended up winning by default and got one.  In fact, the curriculum director invited me to the talk. I was very uncomfortable (dragged my husband) but I'm glad I did.  The presentation was good until the presenter showed a video of her son.  I don't recall exactly what he said but it hit a raw nerve with the teachers ~ perhaps he blamed his depression for part of the reason he was struggling.  That's when the teachers' attitudes reared their ugly heads.  It was all about how the kids manipulate ~ using their issues to get away with things.  So much for that.  Hindsight - I would have handled it differently.  I would have met with the presenter and asked to share specific things.  One of the other reasons I tried the in-service was ~ the teachers claimed they weren't "experts" in this field but they were the first ones to dismiss my son's depression.  His math teacher was the ultimate.  She emailed me complaining that all my son did was doodle in her class.  One - he was only out of the hospital two weeks; two - she didn't check out what he was doodling (I found out later) ~ which was "I'm so sad"; and three - she said that getting help from her was a privilege and that if he chooses not to ~ she can't help him.  I'm not blaming her because of her ignorance.  If only I knew - what I know now!  
Like now, he tried so hard to fight against his depression, so on the outside I understand why they thought that.  He became known as the "crazy" one among his friends.  Not "crazy" per say but wild.  He didn't misbehave (at least then) but he was the fun one.  In fact, I read in his instant messages that he behaved like that to fight off his depression.  That's when I first found out.  Even though I knew things weren't quite right ~ it was my oldest son who alerted me to his issues and gave the information on how to monitor his IM's. 
This was new territory for me but I've learned a lot since then and so has my son. Guess we'll just have to keep on eye on things more carefully, if my son decides for certain that he'll try something.  
One of the other advocacy "things" I got involved in is I self-proclaimed myself to be the parent liaison for a local high school suicide prevention organization.  I got the NHS to help and we raised funds for a walk at our local zoo.  First year we placed second, second year we placed first against many other schools in the area.  "We" won a trophy.  It was virtually ignored by the school.  The Principal had his many fund raising organizations he ran through the school - it wasn't "his" so he ignored it.  Didn't care.  Just glad he's retiring this year.  He has a following but he also has made many people upset.  As far as I'm concerned ~ he didn't do his job.  He was always too focused on what made him look good to the community.  Gosh - he even played parts in all the musicals!  Whatever.  Not that I have my kids there anymore but I have confidence that the new Principal ( asst. principal) will do what he's supposed to do - his job.