It's going to be a BIKINI SUMMER!!!!!!
Well friends the votes have been counted and the score is Abandoned wife 9 STUPID RUNAWAY HUSBAND 0000000!!!! I used the number 9 because that is the size of my first bikini I bought today in over 23 years. I went with a couple friends to buy a new bathing suit today because we have a field trip to the water park with the kids on friday. I haven't bought myself anything new since he left because money is so tight i'm just afraid. Hopefully that will change when we take him back to court next Wed and they threaten to have his ass arrested if he doesn't start paying. Anyway back to me so, there we were at the mall and I immediatly go to the same place I always buy my bathing suits. You know ladies the store that has all the suits in black with the big moo moo attached and you know that there isn't a 22 yr old blonde big boobed la fitness work out junkie with abs of steel anywhere in sight!!!! So we I walk in and my friends say to me T what are you doing in here? I'm buying a bathing suit dah that's why we came to the mall today. Then one of my friends say T do you even own a mirror? Yes. Do you use it? Yes. Are you sure? Yes!! WHAT DID YOU HIT HAPPY HOUR EARLY OR SOMETHING?
T nothing in this store is going to fit you anymore. What are you talking about I said. Well let me put it this way you know those skinny bitches we have always hated? Yah. Well your one of them now. Get out of here I said. We are taking you to the other store where they have smaller suits and even two pieces. I laughed so hard I almost choked on my on the fruit from my smoothie. They said trust us if we go into the other store and pick out a bathing suit for you that we want you to try on would you do it for us? Then if you think you don't look AWESOME you don't have to buy it and we will come back to " TENTS R US". Ok let's go I will show you that you guys are crazy and I won't be able to get one of those suits up past my knees. So off we went they pulled 3 suits for me 2 one pieces and 1 two piece. I laughed when I saw the 2 piece but I tried them on AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!! I stood there looking at myself in the mirror for like 20 minutes. They all looked AMAZING I couldn't believe it. Then my very bestess friend in the world stood by me with tears streaming down her face. T why can't you see yourself like everyone else sees you?
I knew you would look amazing but I wanted YOU TO SEE how you are transforming your life. He never saw the beauty in you even 85 pounds heavier you were still beautiful and amazing. I want you to get the 2 piece and where it with PRIDE and everytime you put it on just take a minute and see the REAL YOU. Well I didn't know what to say except THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN ME. I bought the two piece and a COVER ALL hey, baby steps remember. When I got home I put it on again just to walk around the house in and stop at every mirror in my apt. Austin keeps looking at me like Oh geez I think my mom has lost it. But, he also said how pretty I look too. Im wearing it write now as i'm writing this journal. My friend was right I never see myself as anything more than how he made me feel. Worthless, Always everything my fault, I was stupid, ect.... I hope in time I can believe more in myself, I can see what others see in me. I haven't even seen how much my body has changed because I still feel like the worthless thrown away wife on the inside. The same nothing I do is good enough attitude. But as stupid as this may sound that little size 9 pink pokka dot bikini has done more for me in the past 4 hours than 7 months of therapy. It's helped me gain a little confidence and self esteem I think.
I wish it was friday and my stbx was coming over to pick up Austin. One thing is for sure when friday night does get here and he comes to get Austin GUESS WHAT I'M GOING TO BE WEARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
T nothing in this store is going to fit you anymore. What are you talking about I said. Well let me put it this way you know those skinny bitches we have always hated? Yah. Well your one of them now. Get out of here I said. We are taking you to the other store where they have smaller suits and even two pieces. I laughed so hard I almost choked on my on the fruit from my smoothie. They said trust us if we go into the other store and pick out a bathing suit for you that we want you to try on would you do it for us? Then if you think you don't look AWESOME you don't have to buy it and we will come back to " TENTS R US". Ok let's go I will show you that you guys are crazy and I won't be able to get one of those suits up past my knees. So off we went they pulled 3 suits for me 2 one pieces and 1 two piece. I laughed when I saw the 2 piece but I tried them on AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!! I stood there looking at myself in the mirror for like 20 minutes. They all looked AMAZING I couldn't believe it. Then my very bestess friend in the world stood by me with tears streaming down her face. T why can't you see yourself like everyone else sees you?
I knew you would look amazing but I wanted YOU TO SEE how you are transforming your life. He never saw the beauty in you even 85 pounds heavier you were still beautiful and amazing. I want you to get the 2 piece and where it with PRIDE and everytime you put it on just take a minute and see the REAL YOU. Well I didn't know what to say except THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN ME. I bought the two piece and a COVER ALL hey, baby steps remember. When I got home I put it on again just to walk around the house in and stop at every mirror in my apt. Austin keeps looking at me like Oh geez I think my mom has lost it. But, he also said how pretty I look too. Im wearing it write now as i'm writing this journal. My friend was right I never see myself as anything more than how he made me feel. Worthless, Always everything my fault, I was stupid, ect.... I hope in time I can believe more in myself, I can see what others see in me. I haven't even seen how much my body has changed because I still feel like the worthless thrown away wife on the inside. The same nothing I do is good enough attitude. But as stupid as this may sound that little size 9 pink pokka dot bikini has done more for me in the past 4 hours than 7 months of therapy. It's helped me gain a little confidence and self esteem I think.
I wish it was friday and my stbx was coming over to pick up Austin. One thing is for sure when friday night does get here and he comes to get Austin GUESS WHAT I'M GOING TO BE WEARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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