It's Done
Good Morning SOTH,
Just to give you a final update on sorting through Jennifer's things - emptying the storage unit. I have worked the last 3 days, sorting through my daughter's things. I had friends helping me and Saturday I needed "muscle power" and my husband helped. I was successful in emptying her storage unit. Many items were donated, many many things are being kept in my spare bedroom (today it is wall to wall boxes, a few furniture items). The items I donated I felt okay with that but I am holding tightly to other items for now. I keep reminding myself that letting go of things that some others could use is creating Jennifer's life to live on, and she will always be in my heart....Oh the mind sometimes plays games with me.
Anyway, my husband asked after sweeping out her storage unit, "Are you happy that we were able to do this and you will save $160 a month?" I started to cry, my gut wrenching SOBBING, and all I could say was - DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE DOING THIS.....MY DAUGHTER SHOULD BE HERE....WHY? WHY? WHY?.....Looking at the empty storage unit made me SAD....I do feel good that her things are in my home now WITH ME where they belong.....Now I can rest and not feel pressured, worry about $$$$, JUST REST.......SIGH.........
This morning, I am sore, feeling exhausted, sad, wanting my daughter. Beginning another week without her. August is just around the corner with my birthday, Jennifer's birthday.....How am I going to get through those days? As always, sisters, you will read between the lines, hear my heart, for which I am eternally grateful.
Much love,
Vicki
Just to give you a final update on sorting through Jennifer's things - emptying the storage unit. I have worked the last 3 days, sorting through my daughter's things. I had friends helping me and Saturday I needed "muscle power" and my husband helped. I was successful in emptying her storage unit. Many items were donated, many many things are being kept in my spare bedroom (today it is wall to wall boxes, a few furniture items). The items I donated I felt okay with that but I am holding tightly to other items for now. I keep reminding myself that letting go of things that some others could use is creating Jennifer's life to live on, and she will always be in my heart....Oh the mind sometimes plays games with me.
Anyway, my husband asked after sweeping out her storage unit, "Are you happy that we were able to do this and you will save $160 a month?" I started to cry, my gut wrenching SOBBING, and all I could say was - DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE DOING THIS.....MY DAUGHTER SHOULD BE HERE....WHY? WHY? WHY?.....Looking at the empty storage unit made me SAD....I do feel good that her things are in my home now WITH ME where they belong.....Now I can rest and not feel pressured, worry about $$$$, JUST REST.......SIGH.........
This morning, I am sore, feeling exhausted, sad, wanting my daughter. Beginning another week without her. August is just around the corner with my birthday, Jennifer's birthday.....How am I going to get through those days? As always, sisters, you will read between the lines, hear my heart, for which I am eternally grateful.
Much love,
Vicki
Replies
Good job..you are my new hero! Hugs, Lauri
You moved mountains dear Vicki and weren\'t exactly \"ready\" to either if there ever is such a time. You did what you needed to do and it is not for the faint of heart so please do be so very gentle with yourself.
None of this is as it should and I\'m sending the tightest heart (((hugs))) that I have your way.
Loving care,
XO Joanie
Hi Vicki, I think what you have done is amazing....you did not just clean out a storage unit to save money, you embraced a moment of healing and brought your beautiful Jennifer closer to you. I know the sobbing you talk about and, it is totally understandable that you are sad....each thing we do brings us to that place of extreme sadness but, from experience, I believe each thing we do also brings us closer to healing and finding our children are with us in a new way. It sounds like August will be a hard month for you...please give yourself time to rest and go easy on yourself. Keep writing about how you are feeling, we are hear to listen and love.
Oh Vicki, how much you accomplished...and not just clearing out stuff, but being able to confront this daemon and conquer it
Birthdays are hard, yours, your Jenn\'s, all of them...but you will get through them...we have and you will too...that\'s an order...lol
Marylou
Vicki, I am so proud of you too on how much you have accomplished. My Jeff\'s birthday was this past Saturday and I can\'t lie to you, birthdays are hard. Somehow we get thru them. Love and hugs to you my Friend....Nell
you did good.... !!!!! love ya!
DEAR VICKY I FELT JUST LIKE YOU WHEN I HAD TO GO TO MY DAUGHTERS HOME I DID NOT GO RIGHT AWAY I HAD TO WAIT I WAS SO SICK SAD, GOING INSANE, THEN FINELLY MY SISTER WENT WITH ME I OPENED THE DOOR AND THERE WAS ALL HER STUFF SITTING RIGHT WHERE SHE WAS BEFORE SHE WAS RUSHED BACK TO HOSPITAL HER LITTLE SHOES , PLANTS HER DOGS. MY SISTER AND I JUST HELLD EACH OTHER AND CRIED. IT TOOK MY DAUGHTER 81 DAYS TO DIE. POOR HEALTH CARE. , BUT THAT REMARK YOUR HUSBAND MADE WOULD HAVE BROKE MY HEART\" \"OH\" AREN,T YOU HAPPY NOW WE DON,T HAVE TO PAY THE STORAGE FEE NO MORE. THAT WAS REALLY COLD. I,AM SORRY TO SAY THAT BUT YOU JUST LOST YOUR DAUGHTER. I DON,T THINK YOUR THINKING OF STORAGE FEES.. BLESS YOUR ANGEL HUGS MARY ANN, GOD BLESS YOU.
Oh my gosh. What an emotional time. My heart hurts for you.
I am glad you are comfortable with the donations. As for the rest of Jennifer\'s things, you have them close. You don\'t have to worry about them now.
You are right. You shouldn\'t have had to be doing that. Jennifer should be here. It just sucks big time!!!
I hope you feel closer now that you have her belongings with you, rather than an impersonal storage area.
Love and huge hugs,
Marlene
Vicky, I hope you have some peace with this stage of your journey. You have accomplished so very much this weekend, give yourself some loving care. Hoping Jennifer\'s arms are around you in love!! Hugs, Kathy
Thank you Sisters - everything you all wrote, gives me not only comfort but encourages me.
Gentle baby steps is what it is about. Yes, sometimes we have to take the steps that we would rather avoid and put off forever, but once we have tackled those steps, we can go on to the next one. Little bit at a time~
Peace.
You have done a major step. It is very difficult to let go. The things you have with you give you time to digest what the next step will be. More things to keep vs what else to donate. Time will let you make the next step, keep moving forward as best you can.
Hugs Penny