It's done...

Well, it's done. I changed my status to single this morning. I dont know why I held on to that one piece for so long. I knew it was done four weeks ago. There were things that were different about this time then all the other times we had split. During all the other times, I would still communicate with him, still go and see him, and still get insanely jealous when he started flirting with other women. This time, I stopped seeing him altogether, I stopped talking to him altogether, and I was excited to see a women hit on him in hopes that he would be ok. Is that crazy? That one of my biggest fears was that I was going to hurt him and he would have a hard time moving forward? I am sure he was hurt to an extent, but I am glad to see he had stopped waiting around for me and was moving in a foward direction. I am sad a little. Even though I kept my status as 'in a relationship' for so long, I never could visualize myself going back. I never saw us as being together anymore, and when I did try to visualize it all I saw was fighting, pounting, and neediness. I didnt see two people happy to be together and love each other.

But yes, to see that status go to single, did bum me out a little. Maybe its the fact that I am alone that is bumming me out. I am not sure. But I do know it is a much better, and more peaceful place to be than in that relationship miserable. I do feel like I have completed a milestone here, I guess I get to see what my future holds now, and get to leave myself open to welcome a new relationship were its possible to be happy, and love someone and not feel suffocated or like you never do anything right.