It's been a long time away

I'm still here, I thought it would be good for me to write a bit. My divorce has been final for 6 months and we've been apart for almost 2 years. My heart is much better, it still hurts but as long as I don't dwell on it I'm fine. It's still hard to believe that those 14 years of marriage are gone, and it was very strange to sort of watch a deep part of myself die, and it did die, I still feel it, only time has dulled the pain.
 I am not myself anymore, at least not to the world, I am not a recluse, no one would suspect how I feel on the inside on a day to day basis, no one will ever be able to understand me as a person like he did, even though he was so mean and dishonest and he caused me great suffering, I can truly say he really understood how I felt about everything and why, he knew who I was on the inside. No one can understand that anymore and I don't really want them to.
It's hard to have lost myself, I still feel like I'm living someone else's life right now. My life is so much better, I am not complaining! I am so thankful to have a somewhat normal day to day life, not one filled with tragedy and pain, but I don't want to ever fall in love again, and if I think about that to much it makes me sad, so I don't think about it very often.
I have a good job now, it's hard but I'm making it on my own. I am actually doing so much better financially that it's shocking sometimes. I have a very close relationship with my kitty and my kids are good. I've come a long way.