It's beem a while.

I think I can feel my mind deteriorating. It's scary. If I lose my memory I don't want to live. All the things I've thought about are what keep me going. At least I'm not feeding the memory loss with drugs anymore but the damage seems irreversible and gets worse with time. Early dementia? Man it is scary. I moved to northern ID. I live in Sandpoint now. It is great to be here where I see so many wild animals all the time and there is more water. I moved here to be closer to my parents who seem to be aging rather fast, and my sister's boy who was left behind to be raised by my brother's family when she died. Well I actualy came for all of them. It's harder than I thought dealing with such negative people. I knew they were all difficult but even more so than I knew. Oh well. I'm laying low right now trying to nurture myself. Brain hasn't been working well. No good sleep since May. I'm a little worried about winter. This first one I am totally curious about to see how nature pulls it off but I know some of it will be long and dark. Next year I may try to do some of it in MX or something. The good thing about being on disability is the freedom from a job. And I know how to live on nothing so I can do what I want. It's a blessing from the Universe for sure. Still get that feeling of shame now and then but I try to be helpful, I'm not the only sick person, and I'm going without hundreds of dallars that could be being spent on meds. So that saves money.  Anyway I'm tired. Gotta go. Bless you.