It's back
Unfortunately the numb stage didn't last too long before the tears started again. I do ok and then a song comes on or I see a picture of him and the pain starts all over again. I am having a hard time believing that it is real and that I really am not going to see him again. I look at his picture and can't believe he is really gone. It was especially hard when I watched a video this week and just felt like he would be walking in any minute with his guitar to play his latest song. I hate the mood swings. I hate to hear my daughter in pain. We really miss his love
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The one thing that I have discovered about the cycles of grief, loss and one day finding hope in the midst is that they never are \"gone.\" They just kind of take a back seat for awhile and then appear once again.
Please know that however you are feeling is what is needed for this moment and to lean into it. I have found that when I resist what I am feeling or wish it were something else it expends so much more energy. The moms on this site have helped me learn how to do this and told me just to keep breathing and walking.
Perhaps watching videos is still too hard? I know that I tried a few things such as that and decided I needed more time. There are no timelines and only you will know by trying and if it hurts too much then stop. I had to do this with sorting through my son\'s possessions. I thought I was \"ready\" and clearly I was not.
Sending lots of loving care to wrap you up in and to remind you that you are not alone.
I believe it takes the heart and mind a very long time to truly connect those dots that our children are not walking in the door or that we won\'t hear their voices. It\'s almost eight years for me and I\'m still startled by the reality of it all. Deepest of sighs...
Hand in hand and Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
Yes, the moods can vary from day to day, minute to minute. Still almost seven years later, something will remind me of my son and I face the reality that I will not see him again on this side, anyway. I practice feeling it and gently move my thoughts to something different.
It is much easier in these later years than it was in the early years. I think in those early years it was so hard to hear my family in pain plus my own. I understand what you are going through empathizing with your daughter.
Sending love and hugs of compassion,
Leda
Roller coaster ride...that is what we are on. Even after nearly 9 years I still ride this ride. What is different is that I have become accustomed to his absence and the highs and low are not as frequent, nor as intense.
But go with the flow...feel what you feel. And YES...so hard to see our surviving children heartbroken...adds to our mother\'s pain.
One foot in front of the other...love and gentle hugs...Karen
It is still hard to think Morgan will never be back,,, I wait for her text, her call to walk in and say Mom.... I hate seeing my son sad , I cry,,, and music is very hard at times and that happens to be my profession... the ups and downs are very hard,,, we hold your hand here as we go up and down together...love ya!
I am still struggling to accept this is real after 16 months. I think we just have to do whatever it takes to survive. A friend told me you live until you are alive again. It is so hard to watch your other children grieve. To me, it is one of the hardest parts of this. You are not alone, we so understand. Hugs,
Oh, the roller coaster of emotions that accompany this grief journey.....I think that is one of the hardest things to cope with because I just never know what will spiral me out of control. 2 years later and this 3rd year is \"kicking my butt\" at times....the missing and longing for my daughter overwhelms me and it just hurts.
I am unable to have pictures out of my daughter @ work. It sends me into an emotional place I can\'t go when I am @ work....maybe some day.
I just try to BE whatever that is for that moment, and try to be gentle with me.
(((((HUGS)))) Vicki
Thank you everyone.I was doing better last week but, I.m having a very sad day today. :(
Those waves hit and they hit fast and hard for avery long time. What makes it difficult too is they can be unexpected. You may be going about your day thinking you are doing OK and then BAM! It\'s been almost 9 years for me. The thoughts of my son are always in the forefront but the waves of grief have subsided but I did have a wave hit just the other day on my hubby\'s birthday. I cried all the way to work and then as I exited my car, I actually felt some cleansing. I must have needed the tears that day. I\'m so sorry you are going through this. It breaks my heart when I hear of another mother who has lost a child. It takes a lot of pain and suffering until we see the sun rise but it does rise again and it shines. We are always here for you and I send my love and support for your comfort and peace as you travel this journey. It will become Much love. Robin
It took me a lot of time before looking at his picture did not throw me into tears. I had a voice mail with his voice, it took 2 years before I could listen to it. Now someone has erased it so I no longer can hear the sound of his voice that makes me cry.
My roller coaster ride doesn\'t have as many deep dives as it used to but it still goes up and down and down.
We are all here and hold each others hands and walk together.
Tight hugs
Penny