It's Always Something
My present state of mind is not good. I have had a I JUST DON'T CARE attitude for several years now. Probably since 2009. Life just went down the tube about then on. A lot of it is my depression which worsens in the winter months.
I don't enjoy much about life. I enjoy eating, watching TV, writing on my computer, spending time when my grandkids and eating. No social outlet since I feel so ugly now days. I don't take care of myself and I look it. Takes too much energy and I JUST DON'T CARE.
In November my daughter and I started out to go get groceries. It was -3 that morning and I have an old car. I let her warm up quite a bit and yet we had only gotten about six blocks away from the apartment and the car started squeeling. I think it was from the belts. I had a panic attack and decided I wouldn't be driving anymore this winter. I get to stressed over things like that.
I am depressed and have too much responsibility. I have committed to helping my daughter raise her son. I make sure she keeps up her and my grandson's appointment. I remind her of techniques we have been taught to manage him. I pay for most of our entertainment. Me, Me, Me. And when I am feeling okay these things don't bother me too much. But when I have not doing well I feel put upon. I ask my daughter for very little in return. She cooks our meals(we have such a clash in how we do things I won't venture into the kitchen)and I have her bring me things to my room because my arthritis won't let me go up and down too much. Winter is worse for that too. But about 50% of the time she bitches about doing it. It's good exercise for her.
So not to bitch too much I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest. I have felt overly emotional lately and think I am being overly sensitive.
I had an appt. with my doctor on Tuesday. She has referred to a psychiatrist to get a new evaluation because the medication I am on isn't helping me. (I wonder how bad I would be feeling if I wasn't on it) So it will be interesting to see what the psych will have to say.
If you read this I would appreciate your input. Thanks.
Replies
I\'m so sorry that you are feeling so bad. Trust me I know the feeling. Some days I just want to quit, but I find a way to keep going. I also suffer from depression and anxiety attacks, It\'s not easy to live wiht along with having a chronic illness but we have to keep going.. I hope better days are coming for you. God bless and take care of yourself. Sending lots of warm hugs to you today. Hopefully they will find a med that works better for you soon.
Hugs, Jean
Thank you and sorry I am so late in answering. Just haven\'t felt like even being online much lately. The new prescription isn\'t doing me any good and I am getting tired of it. None do anything.
Thank you for being so kind.
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so down hun *hugs* You know, my mum is my carer and the most important thing i can say hun is i know you are looking after your daughter and your grandson, but it is so important to make time for you as well hun. My mum had a breakdown recently as she wasn\'t thinking of herself (she also cares for my sister), and it was a wake up call for her to make time for herself. I can only imagine how hard it must be hun as i see what my mum does for me and my sis *hugs* I hope your appt goes well hun and maybe if you can take an hour or 2 a day to do something nice for yourself? I know with me, since i have been getting better i am getting back into arts and crafts again. Just something you can do for yourself hun. I hope and pray thing get better hun and i am always here for you if you ever need me, please do message me. Luv and hugs x