It\'s 2009

Well, 2009 rang in and it was VERY uneventful.  Went to bed at 7:30- no one called or texted to say Happy New Years.  Last year I was sick but spent SOME time with Spanky.  This year, sick again, but this time I have no one.  He never replied to my letter.  Don't even know if he read it or not.  Rayna either got out of jail yesterday or today.  Either way, they are together now.  I'm sure that they are both happy.  How long will it last though?  Especially if she doesnt work and help out with the bills.  His un-employment should run out soon too.  Just like Adam said, "let him do what he needs to do and do what I need to do." Spank keeps me around for a reason and maybe Adam is right about having something little right now and given the right amount of time, "bam" it can turn into something huge.  I just have to let it all go.  I have to keep his family close to me, not only because of him, but because I want to. If it weren't for them, I would have NOTHING! The majority of them love me and maybe in time he will realize what he is missing in me and want to try again.  I can't dwell on that though.  It's over and done and I have to go on even if it is by myself.  After all, my friends are all fair-weather friends, only wanting to do things when its good for them.  The door marked "exit" is there for them too!  They can leave just as well.  It's hard to find new people to be friend with when you are in your 30's. Everybody is still in their clicks.  And boy, you try to get into that click, and they shun you faster than you can say "wassup"!    Ugh- this year better be different and in a good way!