It never gets better...
Im in one of those moods again sigh
this stupid cycles never gonna end I was am and will always be a junkie. I will never amount to anything more than a street fucking addict roaming the streets penny less and cold and hungry my bones aching from withdrawals every fiber in my body screaming out with pain of an intensity greater than anything I have naturally felt before....
You cant change who you are you cant change your fate.. As my old man used to say whats written in our stars we mortals must suffer through. There is no getting around it; I dont know what to do... I need to go get high as fuck or cut myself till I bleed to death or go to the house of god and prostrate before him and pray for his mercy and beg him to change my fate...
Whatever wrong I did whatever sins I have done I assure you I have suffered for them I have suffered enough oh God oh my lord save me I beg of thee take my life... In the Islamic faith theres a prayer the Prophet used to make he would pray to god to extend his life but only to the point where life was better than death. My fate is one worse than death I wish I could make this stop I wish I could make it all stop, shut it all out somehow; I was such a perfect asshole once upon a time and I didnt care no matter what happened.
I just did not care I wanna stop caring I wanna stop feeling goddammit I need to get the fuck high. I dont know how people do it I just dont understand how normal folks can cope with life and the ups and downs, I wish I had never quit the sauce goddamn mother fuck why did I have to quit heroin. It made life so easy everything was so simple I was so busy and preoccupied nothing else mattered life was so simple... Wake up find enough money for a hit, find a dealer to sell you the stuff, find a place to get high, get high pass out repeat cycle. I wanna be preoccupied again I wanna not care I want that fake sense of security I wanna chase those fleeting moments of extacy again.
Its funny how I like to tell everyone everythings gonna be okay that its all going to work out in the end that each day will be better than the next but I dont believe that myself to me thats all optimistic bull crap they teach you at Narcotics Anonymous meetings. The simple truth is it ever gets better the cravings they never go away, when a girl breaks your heart it hurts like a bitch, when you fail an exam the disappointment is just as much, when your dealer comes asking for money you owe him and beats the crap out of ya the broken ribs ache with every breath.
No it never gets better... not really
this stupid cycles never gonna end I was am and will always be a junkie. I will never amount to anything more than a street fucking addict roaming the streets penny less and cold and hungry my bones aching from withdrawals every fiber in my body screaming out with pain of an intensity greater than anything I have naturally felt before....
You cant change who you are you cant change your fate.. As my old man used to say whats written in our stars we mortals must suffer through. There is no getting around it; I dont know what to do... I need to go get high as fuck or cut myself till I bleed to death or go to the house of god and prostrate before him and pray for his mercy and beg him to change my fate...
Whatever wrong I did whatever sins I have done I assure you I have suffered for them I have suffered enough oh God oh my lord save me I beg of thee take my life... In the Islamic faith theres a prayer the Prophet used to make he would pray to god to extend his life but only to the point where life was better than death. My fate is one worse than death I wish I could make this stop I wish I could make it all stop, shut it all out somehow; I was such a perfect asshole once upon a time and I didnt care no matter what happened.
I just did not care I wanna stop caring I wanna stop feeling goddammit I need to get the fuck high. I dont know how people do it I just dont understand how normal folks can cope with life and the ups and downs, I wish I had never quit the sauce goddamn mother fuck why did I have to quit heroin. It made life so easy everything was so simple I was so busy and preoccupied nothing else mattered life was so simple... Wake up find enough money for a hit, find a dealer to sell you the stuff, find a place to get high, get high pass out repeat cycle. I wanna be preoccupied again I wanna not care I want that fake sense of security I wanna chase those fleeting moments of extacy again.
Its funny how I like to tell everyone everythings gonna be okay that its all going to work out in the end that each day will be better than the next but I dont believe that myself to me thats all optimistic bull crap they teach you at Narcotics Anonymous meetings. The simple truth is it ever gets better the cravings they never go away, when a girl breaks your heart it hurts like a bitch, when you fail an exam the disappointment is just as much, when your dealer comes asking for money you owe him and beats the crap out of ya the broken ribs ache with every breath.
No it never gets better... not really
Replies
:( will say a prayer
i am sorry ur going through all this. Or had to go through worse in the past.U know things will get better and u dont deserve to be a punished anymore or to go back to heroine.