It never ends

My husband and I began speaking more frequently by phone last week.  The news was mixed.  He told me that his electro-convulsive treatments were working, that they had slightly improved his baseline readings in his brain.  He decided he would not go back to working at the hospital, but would seek a "sober job" that was both "fun" and would give him a "sense of accomplishment."  (Note to self:  If such a job exists, let me know about it, because I want one.)  He said he might move out of his apartment.  (Why, I wondered?  He's certainly not in a position to upgrade; I assume his parents have been paying the rent.  Or maybe they aren't, after all, and he's anticipating getting evicted for failing to pay his bills, with homelessness being his other option.)  He said he was feeling "fragile" about "substance abuse issues" and hoped to enter an outpatient program in 2009.  He also admitted he had "obsessively" stared at his engagement ring and wedding band for two weeks before finally selling them.  That was a turning point for him when he gave up the last vestige of belief that our relationship could be fixed. He told me I need to get the divorce over with as quickly as possible because the prolongation is "killing him".  So I tried to talk about some details with him, as well as details about the health insurance I am buying him for next year.  He seemed to get overwhelmed and said he wanted to talk later.  We were going to speak on Thursday after he met with his therapist.  I received a voicemail from him on Thursday night and he did not sound well...it was as if he had called me in his sleep, and he was yawning throughout the short message.  Then we were going to speak on Saturday afternoon.  But I could not reach him.  His cell phone rang and went to voicemail.  On Tuesday morning, I spoke with both his mother and father and let them know I wasn't sure if he was OK.  His father hadn't spoken with him in a week and a half, and his mother had recently told him that she would only take his incoming calls and wouldn't call him, so they didn't know where he was.  His mother managed to reach him and he called me Tuesday night. Turns out:  When he sold his rings, he put the money "in his vein," enough to potentially kill himself.  That's why he said he was feeling "fragile"--because he had already relapsed.  The reason he didn't pick up over the weekend was because he called the same dating hotline he used to find trouble last June.  He found more people to "hurt him" and experienced some "bodily trauma."  He indirectly blamed me for it, saying he has a thing for "punishment" because he believes he needs to be punished for hurting me.  He asked me to keep the details secret from his parents because he heard that his mother has gained weight from worrying about him and he said he'd blame himself and would be suicidal if his mother had another heart attack.  He said he was going to check into rehab the next day. Which he did.  The insurance I buy him is covering 17 more days this year.  The clinic will even drive him to his electro-convulsive therapy appointments.  The problem is that the clinic wouldn't let him in.  He called me at work this morning saying that he had an outstanding balance of $1,251.22 from previous rehab there and didn't feel comfortable asking his parents for it.  I immediately paid it by credit card over the phone because otherwise they would not have admitted him at all. I'm pissed.  If he got even a third of the retail value of his rings, he could have paid off the balance at the rehab center.  He would have cleared his debt with them and would not have had any cash with which to relapse.  Or he could have paid a number of other debts with that money.  He didn't have to use drugs.   But no.  He (a) sold the expensive, custom-designed large diamond engagement ring and religiously inscribed gold wedding band I bought for him(b) wasted the money from the sale of the rings, instead of responsibly using it to pay off debt(c) blew his hard-earned sobriety by using heroin in overdose quantities, threatening his own life (and possibly the lives of others via things like HIV-tainted needles and driving under the influence) and ruining his chances of returning to work anytime soon(d) wasn't honest about it when he spoke with me on the phone last week, allowing himself to go through a second relapse over the weekend involving sexual violence(e) called me and asked me for a large sum of money that he will obviously never repay because if he ever has that money he'll just buy more heroin and crack(f) charges me with the burden of confidentiality so I can't ask his parents for support, advice, or help