It just keeps building up

More and more keeps getting pilled on my shoulders. More and more bullshit. I come home from work yesterday to find him just sitting around watching tv. it was very obvious he didnt do a damn thing all day. You got fired and you fucked up yesterday and you do nothing to try to say sorry or fix it?! Whay? whats wrong with you? Look for a job! Clean the house! Do some laundry! DO something, anything besides sit around and do nothing. I didn't talk to him again today, too angry still to say a word and i also dont think talking wil do a damn thing. He wont listen. he wont care. he wont change. he never does. Ssame shit over and over again. So today i got up early and looked through his phone. I read the txts he sent his friend ( the one he got drunk with the day before) and apparently he was so drunk he fell into the shower. Im sure hes all bruised and hurt. oh well, ur fault dumb ass. It also seems he doesnt really remember much of it. His friend said they were drinking hard alcohol for 6 hrs nonstop!! wtf!! Then some more fucked up shit happened today, but im too angry about it to even begin totalk about it. Gosh, I wanna yell so much at him. I want to just scream and hit him! make him see how stupid he is and how much he hurts me. But instrad I hold it all in. Say nothing to him. I swear he loves this. me not talking to him. its probably nice. he can do whatever he wants and he just gets the silent treatment. if i do anything wrong i get bitched at and told how worthless and horrible i am. why does this horrible shit keep happeneing to me? Im not a bad person. im not perfect, but i dont deserve this shit over and over. more and more on my shoulders. How can I focus on school with all this? Midterms next week. Im soooo screwed. cant focus at all. just so angry and upset so often now. aaahhhhhh!!!