It just got much, much worse...
I just found out DH's cousin in pregnant. she has been for several moths but no one wanted to tell me... they all lied to my face and pretended that nothing was going on. tonight DH decided to tell me, he knew for 2 weeks.
I feel betrayed, by him, my in laws and most of all by my body that couldn't hold on to my baby girl.
I feel numb and sad and sick and angry and like I want a hole to crawl into, somewhere to run and hide, but there isn't one.
To make things worse, they are coming over tomorrow... I don't even have the time to adjust. how to bare it, how to get through it, how to breathe knowing that they have all been holding it in like a dirty little secret. I feel like they have all been whispering behind my back, pitying me... oh poor little Paulina... how shall we ever tell her...
But now I know, and now I feel stupid and if I could I would cry and scream and rant and rave; if only I could...
I feel betrayed, by him, my in laws and most of all by my body that couldn't hold on to my baby girl.
I feel numb and sad and sick and angry and like I want a hole to crawl into, somewhere to run and hide, but there isn't one.
To make things worse, they are coming over tomorrow... I don't even have the time to adjust. how to bare it, how to get through it, how to breathe knowing that they have all been holding it in like a dirty little secret. I feel like they have all been whispering behind my back, pitying me... oh poor little Paulina... how shall we ever tell her...
But now I know, and now I feel stupid and if I could I would cry and scream and rant and rave; if only I could...
Replies
Oh Paulina I am so very sorry... I don\'t even know what to say :( That is just dreadful! Hang in there sweetie.
Hun, so sorry you are having to deal with this as well. At the moment my husbands cousin is pregnant, due the week after I was due and two of his cousins wives are also pregnant. Even though one of the wives has had three previous losses, I am still so extremely jealous. Stay strong for tomorrow, will be thinking of you.
I just read your journal and I think that is terrible! Maybe you should say something to them!! If someone had done that to me I would be very upset. Of course little minded people can act stupid sometimes and not understand what women with fertility problems are going through but you are not any different to any other women out there! Even when women fall naturally it can take years to fall (thats what happened to my sister). Your husband didnt leave it 7 months to tell you but thought it may upset you thus you should make it clear to people that even though you have been through alot, your not any different to anyone else in the family and DO NOT want to be treated that way. hope you feel better soon!!
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I had 2 SIL\'s that were pregnant when I lost Willow, 1 had her baby in June, and the other is due in July. Having them pregnant already when I lost her was hard enough, I can\'t imagine finding out that they hid the fact from you. I know they were trying to protect you, but they hurt you just the same. I still try to avoid my DH\'s sister that is still pregnant, I can mentally prepare for seeing her, but in the end my feelings of loss are still there.
Hugs..Hugs.. Hugs..