It is still so hard
Well it has been a while since I have been journaling here. Today just like most of you has been a mixed bag of emotions. I was surprised with an anniversary gift this past week. My hubby and I were invited to stay in Carmel by the sea. It is near Pebble Beach. A friend was gracious enough to loan us his home for a few days so we could get away.. I love the beach. I love the sounds and the smells...but most of all I remember the memories. My Ben loved the beach too. As a matter of fact I had asked him about a month before his accident what he was going to do on his 21st birthday.. Of course I expected to hear "Vegas Baby" or Reno or go to the City and Party... but no he just said "You know mom, my 21 birthday in no big deal. It is just another day. I think I want to go to Monteray for the day and have fun in the tide pools." I knew my son never really did the party thing but I thought hey your only 21 once right? I was so proud of him. And when we drove past the place he wanted to go to for his birthday I felt sad. I just want to hold him again. I know this is how all of us feel. Sometimes getting on the site and reading your journals breaks my heart and lately I have been having a hard time reading them. I could chalk it up to menopause I guess...but I think deep down I am just greiveng not just for me but now for my dear friends. I pray daily for you. I haven't hugged or sent messages lately but please know that you are all considered so special to me. Love and hugs to allBens mom4everDebi
Replies
Hold on to those memories!!!! I also love the beach - just he sound of the waer lapping the beach - how very relaxing...Hugs, Ann
It is sometimes hard to read the other moms journals...but every once in a while people have good things or happy things happen in their lives and we can rejoice with them too. It is so true how I grieve \"with\" other mothers now too...because we truly understand the sorrow. I hope that one day we can truly feel some sort of peace...love and hugs to you...Karen
Memories are what keep us going That and that Our Angels are with us in our heart
I love the beach we went their last weekend but we took our godaughters were going back but just the 2 of us
love U Caroline
Hold on to your memories.
Hugging you tight honey! Love ya, Barbara
We don\'t live by the beach but for senior trip my son went to beach in CA. They loved it so much they went the next year. He would have loved to be near the beach as he hated the cold here in Utah. I have a beach scene on his headstone. I know the reminders are so hard. I also know how hard it is to read the journals of those who continue to have such pain. It brings me down sometimes so I have to take a break. Then when I feel a bit stronger I try to read and respond because I know how helpful everyone was to me when I was a \"newbie\". Hope the days ahead are gentle. Love Robin
It is hard to read the journals and share others pain but in a strange way it is healing to offer support and love to another who knows exactly what it\'s like. Hope you days at the beach were great. Love and hugs Cathy
It is strange how we see a place and it can just bring us to our knees with this wonderment of memories and then the pain of knowing we will never see our loved one there at that site. It is nice to have those special places to remember though. Just hard sometimes. WE here all have lost so much but we did have something very special and that is our children, I know I am glad for the memories as we all are. The first year is so darn hard. Take care of yourself, tammie