It is getting harder

We began our Christmas shopping to-day.  I am determined to maintain some of the traditions that Lisa initiated after Cevyn was born.  One is filling everyone's stocking with socks, candy and other odds and sods.  One thing she always did was put a box of chocolate rosettes in Cevyn's.  So Joe and I went sock and candy hunting.  Of course I began to cry and I looked at Joe and tears were streaming down his cheeks.  It is just so damn hard.  It is even worse when all the cashiers ask "How are you today".  I am tempted to say "crappy, how are you?"  I wouldn't because on Christmas '08, I was one of the cheery ones.  There is no point in spoiling other people's days.
I get annoyed seeing the decorations in the stores and hearing the constant drone of Christmas songs.  The movies are all about Christmas. 
I am feeling very Scroogy right now.  Bah humbug!