It is all over......

I have beaten Mental Illness.It took me a long time.I got sick in 1962 at the age of 14 and it has been a long road to hell.During all this time..My father was by my side and he believed that the day would come when I no longer will get depressed.And he is jus t so right...this doctor has saved my life and I have beaten severe mental illness.Now i realize and I realize this...that in 1967 at the height of my first love...he did not love me anyway.He just used me.I was there for him and it took me several years to realize that this guy is a user.The other guy does not score at highly either.He is more of a dope that my first love was.Yet..I cant help but to think about him.I saw that silly move'Endless Love." I mean are they kidding? That isnt love.It was obsession.And I dont need this at 61.I dont want a person always by my side and it shows the immaturity of the person.If he is always with you..you are his hobby and since Brad was once this way with me..I simply dont need it.Who wants someone that devoted following you around like a lovesick puppy? I dont.These men end up maiming or even killing you and i refuse to become a victime.I like to be myself and being alone is a gift that every parent should give to their children because the day will come when they are alone and what are they going to do? As for my friendships....they are going thru middle age crazy.Sandi found a guy and she has become impossible.Sandi is always with him and he is always with her and she has become unbearable.She lives in a different world.And who wants to be friends with someone who doesnt read...dont watch tv,read magazines or newspapers or go to shows..who needs this? I dont want to talk about cancer all the time...look..if you are a cancer survivor..please try and un derstand that many people today simply dont know what to say to you.I dont know what to say to here anymore and the conversation is getting to be boring.So if you are going thru a real major illness and I have gone thru this also..could you find something  else to talk about please? Please? I am tired of hearing about illness....Please....hanging around you is depressing..please try and understand I am not in your position.please try and understand this please..but i just cant be your friend as of now and it isnt because of your cancer..it is because I have run out of things to say to you and what I like..you dont..And why must I comprise myself all the time? Cant you at least go to the casino once? Please...I cant take this loneliness either..but you must learn to take a further step.