It has made a difference
Being sick has made a difference. I am different than I was before. I know we all change and who knows what would have been had I not become sick.
My point is that I have been dealing with insecurities and a lack of confidence. There have been times (pre sickness) when of course I had to deal with insecurities. Most people have them.
What I'm talking about is the lack of confidence that comes from being in a world of sickness for 12 years. Isolation and withdrawal. It's a strange thing.
I was able to teach part time for a while during my sick years but now that I am trying to do this new program I have found that I don't bounce back from discouragement as quickly as I used to. I just have to work harder at it.
I really have to work hard to think positively and believe in my abilities.
I read once where it can take up to two years to try to change your mental mind set and reprogram negative thought patterns. I have to keep trying.
Of course, I'll never know what might have been, so here I am doing the best with what I have. Yet, I can't help but wonder what it is that weighs me down. Okay, fatigue plays a HUGE role...but is that the whole story behind my feeling like I'm constantly trying to pick myself up?
One minute I'm feeling like I'm capable and can manage and then I feel tired and achy and I wonder if it's worth it. It has to be worth it, I know that in my heart. I just can't figure out why the fatigue has to take over mind, body, spirit and make it so I just want to give up.
I want to enjoy instead of the mental mind set that I've had for so long of just getting through it, just surviving, just doing the best I can. Fatigue does make a difference. Chronic illness does change our thought process. It doesn't mean we don't have joy or laughter or good moments, it just means that sometimes we have to take a lot of deep breaths of encouragement to "get there."
Carry on.
My point is that I have been dealing with insecurities and a lack of confidence. There have been times (pre sickness) when of course I had to deal with insecurities. Most people have them.
What I'm talking about is the lack of confidence that comes from being in a world of sickness for 12 years. Isolation and withdrawal. It's a strange thing.
I was able to teach part time for a while during my sick years but now that I am trying to do this new program I have found that I don't bounce back from discouragement as quickly as I used to. I just have to work harder at it.
I really have to work hard to think positively and believe in my abilities.
I read once where it can take up to two years to try to change your mental mind set and reprogram negative thought patterns. I have to keep trying.
Of course, I'll never know what might have been, so here I am doing the best with what I have. Yet, I can't help but wonder what it is that weighs me down. Okay, fatigue plays a HUGE role...but is that the whole story behind my feeling like I'm constantly trying to pick myself up?
One minute I'm feeling like I'm capable and can manage and then I feel tired and achy and I wonder if it's worth it. It has to be worth it, I know that in my heart. I just can't figure out why the fatigue has to take over mind, body, spirit and make it so I just want to give up.
I want to enjoy instead of the mental mind set that I've had for so long of just getting through it, just surviving, just doing the best I can. Fatigue does make a difference. Chronic illness does change our thought process. It doesn't mean we don't have joy or laughter or good moments, it just means that sometimes we have to take a lot of deep breaths of encouragement to "get there."
Carry on.
Replies
Well said Katy! I feel what you are saying...
Just tried to comment and this goofy website trashed it all.
I know just what you mean about all those feelings of despair and inadequacy we get. My own opinion is that it\'s due to endocrine dysfunction, the endocrine system controls our mood and our feeling of self-confidence.
It\'s like trying to walk with a bad leg...you can get there, but it is just so darn much harder. I can take most of a week to do something that used to take an hour.
It\'s hard to focus and you keep thinking you\'re never going to get it done. Sometimes you just don\'t care, all you want to do is go lie down somewhere and forget trying to accomplish anything.
I totally understand what you are saying in so many ways....it is life altering and, well, I know in my life the good days or more like good moments are so valuable now and the bad ones make me stronger....fatigue is so debilitating to us in mind body and spirit!
YOU ARE AMAZING THOUGH! DO NOT FORGET THAT!
What I think my \'Pearl\' of a sister-in-law doesn\'t get, is that I mourn who I was, and that it takes TOO MUCH ENERGY to see who I am now. There is no such thing as \'simple\' any more because it all takes energy. What she can do in a week, would take me months.
She doesn\'t get it. She thinks I can \'think positively\' myself out of this illness. Or at least she acts that way.
Heaven help either of her kids if they get clinically depressed - it runs in their family, she doesn\'t believe in it.
Do what you can k, even if it takes longer, IT\'S STILL \'DOING\'.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs