It has been 3 years and i still have timetime

It has been 3 years and i still have the pain and noone not even my best friend truly understands.Brad committted suicide and I was the one who found his body and it was very gruesome and people think I can forget about Brad.When he was sober for 5 years,Brad was very good to me.We did things together and i miss that.I miss all of the car trips and trips to Fred Meyer.I miss him picking me up from work and I miss his masculine voice and his love of Quest and his love of games.I miss all that and it can never be replaced.I havent dated at all.The men in seattle want a wife and I have got my own house and yard and I refuse to take care of another house or his grandchildren.That may sound selfish.I am alone and I love it.!