It happened again
Friday night, was horrible. I had another attack with my heart racing and skipping beats. It went on for three hours. I had had another blow up with my husband, which seems to be getting in to a pattern and later that night my heart went bonkers. I am coming to the conclusion that it definitely is caused by STRESS.
Where do you go at 72, with an income of a thousand dollars and living in Ca.? I won't live with my kids because it is not good for their marriages. I had a mother in law live with us for many many years and I adored her. BUT, there is no privacy, etc. I won't do that to them. Soooo, I guess I have to learn to keep MY mouth shut because I know that lately I have become extremely reactive. I know that it has been a learned behavior and maybe we could "learn" to be nice to each other again. I just don't know.
The Dr. prescribed Xanax for me but I have such an addictive personality, so I am almost afraid to take them. They are sitting here on the shelf and I have not taken one, yet. Just another day in paradise.
I hope that all of you that are reading this are doing well and happy. ((((HUGS))))
Where do you go at 72, with an income of a thousand dollars and living in Ca.? I won't live with my kids because it is not good for their marriages. I had a mother in law live with us for many many years and I adored her. BUT, there is no privacy, etc. I won't do that to them. Soooo, I guess I have to learn to keep MY mouth shut because I know that lately I have become extremely reactive. I know that it has been a learned behavior and maybe we could "learn" to be nice to each other again. I just don't know.
The Dr. prescribed Xanax for me but I have such an addictive personality, so I am almost afraid to take them. They are sitting here on the shelf and I have not taken one, yet. Just another day in paradise.
I hope that all of you that are reading this are doing well and happy. ((((HUGS))))
Replies
(((Hugs)))
It sounds like your health is being seriously impacted by the situation with your husband. Without knowing much about your relationship it\'s hard to comment. Your statement that maybe you could learn to be nice to each other again sounds hopeful, as long as it\'s a two-way street and not just you stifling yourself.
I hope you can talk to your husband at a time when you\'re both calm and explain to him what\'s at stake here. If your life and wellbeing are at risk, it might be worth moving in with one of your kids as a temporary measure.
Thank you, Lucky....and I know you are right, Donna. He is NOT easy to talk to, as if you defend yourself, he takes it as tho you are \"attacking\" him and then we are off and running. It is getting to where it is a continuous thing and I am wearing down. He is 10 years younger than I am and we have been married 11 years. He has it in his head that he has \"saved\" me. I can\'t figure that one out as I had been widowed since 88 and took care of myself quite fine, until I med him 12 years ago. (16 years) I have more stress and anguish, now. Don\'t get me wrong. The first several years were wonderful but now each year gets worse. He is schizophrenic and does NOT take his medications like he is supposed to (very sporadic) and if I say anything to him about it he reassures me that he is a big boy and he can take care of himself. A part of me, still loves the man, but I don\'t know if it is enough for me to kill myself over, if you get what I mean. I have enough going on, trying to keep my own \"F\'d\" up mind, taken care of. Sorry for complaining, you guys but thank you for your support.
No need to apologize here! You have a right to vent your feelings. The situation does not sound good for you, I\'m sorry to say. Please take care of yourself and don\'t subject yourself to abuse - you\'ve been through enough in your life. And feel free to vent as much as you need ... it really helps us to work things through.
I am glad you had a few good years with him but it certainly does not sound good now, for either of you. I agree with DW that maybe you could move in with your kids temporarily. You being safe is priority number one.
You guys are so awesome and I appreciate all of the comments. I have to get out of my confused state of mind and then I will make a logical decision as to what I am going to do. About the Xanax, Bit. I have not taken any yet and she told me to take them only when I feel anxious. Welllllll, that would be every day. LOL I am not going to take them until absolutely necessary. I so appreciate being able to vent on here and know that nobody is going to condemn me or the typical, \"get over it\". I have heard that so many times in my life that I was beginning to think that was my name.
Hugs to all of you.