It finally is hitting me

Well I lost my mom in September 2014, I've haven't really grieved fully. Lately it has hit me like a ton of bricks for the last week or so. I know that people grieve diffently and in their own time but damn it hurts. She passed from end stage renal failure and she didn't want to go through dialysis. She knew what the end result was and had told me for the last few years of her life she was ready to go to heaven. I had to make the decision to put her on hospice. I got to tell her all the things I wanted to. But I guess it's just knowing that I'll never get to talk to her or hug her anymore is what is getting to me lately.