It Can Happen, I believe, I believe
Almost two years divorced. 8 months out of a devistating break up with the man I thought was my new future, here I go again. I am 3 weeks into a relationship, yes I said relationship (scary) with someone who appears to be a wonderful man. Notice I said appears. I have learned to take it slowly, be more cautious and not get ahead of myself but... at a point you have to close your eyes, take a deep breath and jump off the damn cliff again to move forward. I am standing at the edge of the cliff and wanting to jump, again. Am I crazy?? Can a man actually be who he appears to be? Can he really be that nice, caring, giving, considerate? Can it really be my turn to win or is this another cruel twist? Mike and I have been going out and spending a lot of time together and talking, talking, talking getting to know one another, our pasts, our desires, etc... for three weeks. We share the same morals, values, interests and desires or so it appears. He is respectful of me and my children. He is generous, giving, very funny and makes me feel beautiful and special. He always puts me first but he is not a lap dog or a push over. I feel like at age 47 I have met the first "man" I have ever known. He has old fashioned values and is a man's man, meaning I can't pay for anything, he opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc... After only a week and a half together we got hit with a Tropical Storm. He drove through the storm to be with me and the kids because he didn't want us to be alone, knowing there would be no sexual reward with the kids here! He didn't care! Monday of this week I found out my ex lost his job so I lost my child support for now. Tuesday it looked like I may loose my job, I was a mess! This man who had only known me for three weeks, calmed me down and promised me, "he had my back and me and my children would have a roof over our heads and never go hungry" and I believed him! My job was spared, thank God but it has repeated that he ment what he said and that he hopes to always be here for us. He has no children because he had cancer at the age of 4 and the treatment that saved his life left him unable to father children. I told him I was a package deal. I explained that even though my kids were teenages and would move on at some point, I would always have children and one day grandchildren, he said bring it on! I have been myself from day one with him. Played no games, pulled no punches, held back nothing! He has seen me in all my glory and tells me I am beautiful inside and out. He accepts me with all my faults and baggage and still makes me feel like he thinks he is the luckiest man in the world to have me?! Could he be for real? God I hope so. A lot of men seem great at first and then their true colors show. I have even told him that. He just smiles at me and says "you'll see Baby, I am for real, take as long as you need to to believe it, I'm not going anywhererust me I am not shy and I am no picnic. He finds my bluntness charming. When most men would get mad, he gets amused and my stregths and weaknesses. I have been able to talk to him like I have known him forever. Told him my deepest darkest secreats and he just takes it all in stride. Nothing scares him away, instead he just holds me and reassures me. WTF I don't know how to act!! I am so hopeful, happy and scared to death at the same time! My heart is starting to take notice. Can I love again, trust again, should I, could I????? How long before it is OK to let my guard down and believe? He is chipping away at the wall I have built to protect my heart. SHould I let him or should I pull back and reenforce the wall??? I AM NOT forcing anything. It is just happening. If anything I am trying my best to hold back but he keeps coming at just the right speed. Either he has some really good game or he is a gift from GOD! When can I be sure of which? I want to believe I do. I want to jump off the cliff but I am so scared. It is so soon but it feels so right. I hate doubting everything. I tell myself just go with it but that little voice is always there saying look out girl don't be fooled again!! Will it go aways? How long will it take? Shoud it go away? No matter what happens, I has been a very nice three weeks. Just having hope feels very good (even though I am scared to death). Al least I feel alive! I pray all of you meet such a person and they turn out to be for real! Pray that Mike is who appears to be and that is is finally my turn to win. I don't think I could go through the pain for a third time!
Replies
I hope this works out for you...you deserve it!
take it slow...breathe...don\'t anticipate the worst, don\'t be blind...don\'t be a fool for love, be patient, be kind to yourself and live ONE day at a TIME. You are over analyzing which is not very good and yet, you must be cautious. Three weeks is too soon to determine a future.
You\'re my hero for simply trying again. I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you fun and laughter. And all of the mattress mambo he can be up for. Enjoy.
It sounds like good things are happening for you.
He sounds really nice.