Issues

Quick update for you on counseling. I had no idea how deep my issues were until this session, yet I have had so many with her, in fact she has been my counselor for almost a year now, but she does an amazing job. She helps me through a lot. I am so glad that she specializes in the area that I need help with.  Here is what I have learned. At the end of the session, she mentioned to me about inferences, and asked me if I knew what they were. I told her that I did, and then she went in depth. You know how I stepped out earlier this week until your presentation was complete. Well, she encouraged me to continue to do that if something triggers a terrible memory for me, so I thought you might want to know. She emphasized the If..... then statements that I tell myself when I am dealing with my memories, and when they get intense, I am supposed to stop, question myself, ground myself, and then continue to deal with it. By doing this, the intensity of the memory will lessen, and I will feel better, so this is my homework for the week until next Friday. The main question I am to ask myself is, "What am I telling myself that is increasing the intensity right now?" I overheard my neighbor two days straight, and it hurt me with what he had to say.  I mentioned it in counseling, and my therapist was shocked.  He apparantly has many things against him from many women that he hurt with the possiblity of rape.  He made the comment that he should just move to the country.  This confirms to me that he is a serial rapist.  I hate him a lot. The other thing I heard was that he was telling someone about the rape on the phone, and he was lying through his teeth about it.  He was laughing and carrying on, like it was no big deal.  In fact, he took pleasure in what he did to me.  He knew quite well what he was doing.  I knew he was talking about me because he made me out to be a whore.  When I heard it, I slammed my door shut, in hopes he would get the hint that I don't want to hear it.  I ended up having a panic attack due to my anxiety going way up, and a lot of body memories came to me during that time too.  I just wasn't able to cry until I had counseling yesterday.  Uggghhhhh!!!!!!  If he didn't do what he did, then I probably would not be in counseling. In regards to the paper the teacher said I plagarize.  I found out that if it is three or more words, it is considered plagarism.  I didn't  know that, so I am redoing it fora C or lower I guess, even though I didn't fully understand what the professor wanted to begin with.  I am going to try again.  At least I get to have grace.  Please pray for my last semester that I do finish strong, and end on a good note. Blessings.