Isabelle partial dhort story possible TW
The story of Isabelle Rose Thorton has been swimming around in my head since I first began dealing with my eating disorder 2 years ago. I was educating myself on ED’s and reading lots of books, articles, and first hand accounts of people who had recovered. Yet, none of those books by people who had survived eating disorders had ever mentioned EDNOS, my diagnosis. For a long time, I knew something was “off” with me and food, but I couldn’t say exactly what it was to save my soul. I binged, but never purged. I starved myself, but was never underweight and never skipped a period. Strangely, I had also never lost weight from starvation. I counted calories and dieted consistently through my teens, but so did many of my friends. My symptoms were never discussed in junior high or high school health classes. I found myself falling through the cracks in college as I discovered I had EDNOS-eating disorder not otherwise specified-an illness doctors don’t even have a name for. This left me feeling lost and forgotten for a while. Every time I tried to research treatment options for myself, all I could find were resources for those with Anorexia or Bulimia. I felt like I had entered a medical no man’s land.
So, I turned to books to both educate myself and try and make sense of my own thoughts and feelings. While reading Wintergirls (an excellent, honest, and poignant novel about a young woman’s struggle with Anorexia), I was struck by how much the character of Lia sprang to life for me. I was both relieved and terrified that I was identifying with the character so much. I wanted to create a character that would be as real and personal to my readers as Lia had been for me.
I didn’t necessarily set out to write Isabelle’s story. It just sort of happened. The more I learned about my eating disorder, myself, and my emotions, the more her story came to life. I recorded the first pages of what I hope to become a novel in my old journal. Let me know what you think.
The Story of Isabelle Rose Thorton
I was so nervous that I could hardly sit still. Things had been so crazy lately. My choir director was breathing down my neck about the Broadway theme for our spring concert. Every other word was “Isabelle! Do it again!” I’m the only girl in my advanced class with theatre experience, so all the others look to me for pointers. Mrs. Gaspari is a great teacher, but she’s tough. She knows the full scope of my talent, so she expects the best from me. Chris and I had just called it quits, too. He just called and said we’re over. He never loved me. He said he never meant to hurt me, but how did he think I’d feel after dating him for five years? Jerk. Oh yeah, and my science grade was a D again. What in the world do I need chemistry for? I’m a voice and theatre major!
I didn’t want to do it, but it was all I could think about. I was sweating, fidgety, and tired from fighting the urge. Before my brain could catch up with the rest of me, I was already there. I was warming up all the leftovers-sausage, pizza, chicken Alfredo, and the last slice of cheesecake. All I wanted was for the stress to go away. I wanted the urge to eat to go away. I wanted to be able to sit still and relax. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to stop feeling so bad.
And in an hour, it was all gone. The food was gone, and all that remained was awful, nagging, guilt. My stomach felt like someone had punched me 30 times. I felt so fat and worthless. I already knew I wouldn’t want to eat anything tomorrow. I never plan to starve myself after I eat like this, but it always happens that way. I’m so sick of food after this happens that I want absolutely nothing to do with it. I felt so disgusting that I threw myself down on my bed and cried out to God.
So, I turned to books to both educate myself and try and make sense of my own thoughts and feelings. While reading Wintergirls (an excellent, honest, and poignant novel about a young woman’s struggle with Anorexia), I was struck by how much the character of Lia sprang to life for me. I was both relieved and terrified that I was identifying with the character so much. I wanted to create a character that would be as real and personal to my readers as Lia had been for me.
I didn’t necessarily set out to write Isabelle’s story. It just sort of happened. The more I learned about my eating disorder, myself, and my emotions, the more her story came to life. I recorded the first pages of what I hope to become a novel in my old journal. Let me know what you think.
The Story of Isabelle Rose Thorton
I was so nervous that I could hardly sit still. Things had been so crazy lately. My choir director was breathing down my neck about the Broadway theme for our spring concert. Every other word was “Isabelle! Do it again!” I’m the only girl in my advanced class with theatre experience, so all the others look to me for pointers. Mrs. Gaspari is a great teacher, but she’s tough. She knows the full scope of my talent, so she expects the best from me. Chris and I had just called it quits, too. He just called and said we’re over. He never loved me. He said he never meant to hurt me, but how did he think I’d feel after dating him for five years? Jerk. Oh yeah, and my science grade was a D again. What in the world do I need chemistry for? I’m a voice and theatre major!
I didn’t want to do it, but it was all I could think about. I was sweating, fidgety, and tired from fighting the urge. Before my brain could catch up with the rest of me, I was already there. I was warming up all the leftovers-sausage, pizza, chicken Alfredo, and the last slice of cheesecake. All I wanted was for the stress to go away. I wanted the urge to eat to go away. I wanted to be able to sit still and relax. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to stop feeling so bad.
And in an hour, it was all gone. The food was gone, and all that remained was awful, nagging, guilt. My stomach felt like someone had punched me 30 times. I felt so fat and worthless. I already knew I wouldn’t want to eat anything tomorrow. I never plan to starve myself after I eat like this, but it always happens that way. I’m so sick of food after this happens that I want absolutely nothing to do with it. I felt so disgusting that I threw myself down on my bed and cried out to God.
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