is this the end?

so, is this what my life amounts to now? Ive had 9 clinicle depressions since I was 14, Im in my 10th now . I am almost 60. In the others, there was always the hope that time would change things, id find a true love that would also be my best friend, id marry and have children, i'd develope the talents i wanted/or skills, id go to college, get a career, and things would change. The most depressing part now is that I am at the end of my life. My circumstances and health are only going to decline. I have no hope to get me through this time. Im getting fat and have no motivation for that to change. My husbands health has him too tired to even be my friend sometimes, hang out with me, or be romantic even if he still had the ability. I feel ugly, apethetic and I am tired of being tortured by my failures because of this. I like to be inspred with something new but I lack the concentration to even be able to appear semi intelligent much less learn something new.