Is there something wrong with me?

I am worried I am not grieving enough. It has been nearly 7 weeks since my beautiful son left this world, and I have been to the dark side, been depressed but right now I dont feel too awful. I read all the journals on here and I think 'What is wrong with me?' Sure I cry at times but I am not in intense pain day and night, I walk on the beach with my new puppy and feel OK. I don't really care much about life, I  worry I will never feel the same joy I used to feel when walking on the beach with the sun of my face but I don't seem to be devastated.
If you saw me out and about you would never guess what had happened in my life just 7 short weeks ago. Am I still in denial? Is the worst yet to come? of am i just an amazing coper? I have always been strong but I never ever would have thought I could survive the death of my son. He is the only good thing I have achieved in my life.
I have been married 4 times, I have been through awful experiences but the one thing that defined me was being a Mom to Toby. I could say to people 'My son Toby is at College (university), my son Toby, my son, my son.
Now what do I say, my son killed himself!!!!! I want so much to be proud of my son and I am proud of him, but how can I accept what he did. I think I may be blocking a lot of it out, but maybe it is best not to question it too much.
I have been a fan of Byron Katie, and i have her book 'Loving what is'. I read the chapter headed - How to make friends with the worst that can happen' and I did try to take it on board but it is so hard. Her philosopy is that death is not a tragedy, and that we don't really know what death is. I want to buy into this but it is not easy.
One thing I know for sure, is that I will never be the same person and my life will now be so different because Toby had gone far away to a place where I cannot see him or hear his voice. WHo knows what direction my life will take now. Maybe I will value life more, love more and not waste my time of people and things that are worthless to me.
I feel strongly that I would like to contribute and help others, so maybe that's where I will go and do it all in the memory of my beautiful son.
Even though my son did not leave me a note, I feel sure he loved me more than he loved anyone else. I know i was there for him, and I would rather think I did too much for him than not enough.
I'll always love you Toby. I have a new puppy called Elfie and she is helping me heal, you would have loved her. I pray you are at peace my beautiful boy, I will always be your mother and I will keep loving you for infinity and beyond.