Is there anyone?

I feel like I am going to explode. All these flashbacks... these nightmares spinning in my head. The thoughts just feel so immediate, like I have to talk to some one right now. But there is no one. It is way too late or too early for that. I don't even want to wake my husband and I hope the typing does not bother him. It's those images of some one hurting me that I just can't get past tonight. It started with the things my mom did to me after the rape and moves to my best friend and how he treated me. Then I can no longer deny the thoughts about the rape itself. Then I am filled with the fear and pain I felt during that. Then I just can't get it out. Once it is there it is just impossible to push back down. Once I have an image in my head, I just keep flashing on it. I have therapy tomorrow and that is a saving grace, but these feelings I am stumbling over are difficult to share. It's that mix of badness I feel too afraid to share, especaily with a therapist. That could get me into trouble. You know, feelings like this: Cause everything's brokenEverything's vacantEverything's wasted time againSentiments hopelessInnocence jadedEverything's wasted time againWasted Time BY FUEL from Angels & Devils  For this life I think she knowsThere's nothing left for showLose your faith in a worldAnd the seeds can't be resown Curtains drawn she looks behindNo magic left to findThe truth your not supposed to knowHer eyes saw long ago Walk the wire We walk the wireWith all I am, I stand aloneIn fields that I have grownBut if there's nothing left to holdLet the Angels take a soul I'm sick of it all and I don't careI'm blissfully awareOld too fast and smart too slow From dust to dust we go Walk the wire We walk the wireWith all I am, I stand aloneIn fields that I have grownBut if there's nothing left to holdLet the Angels take a soulI'm sick of it allI'm not aloneThe blood I taste my ownBut if there's nothing left to holdLet the Angels take a soul Angels Take a Soul BY FUEL from Angels & Devils  I don't know if the words come off as strong without the music, but these songs sound exactly how I am feeling. Especially the second, the music is as explosive and serious and desperate as I am feeling. But I don't know what to do with it. I just feel it building inside of me. I used to cut when I felt like this, but I have not done that for many months and I don't really want to start again now. If there is anyone that feels full of scary thoughts and wants to talk, please.