Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?

I have been pretty sick for quite awhile now and been out of work. I have had broncitis and larengitis. My son got married in Vegas a couple of weeks ago and it started when I got home. As anyone who knows me well, knows I have been having alot of problems in my relationship. And to be truly honest, I have been *off the wagon for quite sometime* and it really hasnt helped with the depression and anguish that I feel. This time I am going to take care of myself because no one is as important to me as my children and myself. I will not surrendor again to those demons in my head.. Or so I hope.  Here is the letter I wrote to Alvin for the finalization of our relationship. Yep Im putting it out here so who ever it is on my friends list that reports to Alvins family, here it is and after you copy it off, why dont you rumple it up and pour some gasoline on it and shove it where the sun doesnt shine..  LetterPlease read and do not respond negatively. Well here goes another unwanted and possibly unread letter full of animosity and truths that neither one of us want to admit to. Another letter because we are both hot heads and there is no talking between us. Just shouting, yelling, and talking over the top of each other to see who can say the meanest most horrible things to each other that we probably wouldnt even say to our worst enemies.  Im through with the name calling and fighting because you are better at it, hands down. Maybe a little more practice and experience then I have.  Im giving you back your mothers rings although they meant more to me then you will ever know. More then any gift you have given me and there have been plenty of those. You were usually pretty generous when it came to materialistic things. To bad you wernt better at generosity in the *giving of yourself* end of it. And Im not talking about sex either because obviously that meant more to you then me. I would have rather made *love* if the conditions would have been different. If you were not so judgemental and had any kind of desire for me.  You have never given me any compliments or anything unless I begged for them. you would rather point out my faults but now I realize its because I never did anything good enough to get a compliment. I could never be cute enough, smart enough, slim enough etc.  Give those rings to someone you can love *unconditonally*. Someone you find good enough to give compliments to, to cherish, put on a pedastle and have desire to love. Someone like your daughter in law or their baby girl or even Holly your step grandaughter. *Unconditionally* do you know what that means? I love you Al and always have from the beginning. (I can hear you saying, yea, yea, bullshit). Problem is we dont like each other very much.I know that I am an alcoholic piece of shit and a waste of skin. Your not the first person to let me know how worthless I really am. Ive been told it all my life.   I really do hope that you find someone that you can truly love *unconditionally* and that you desire and like. Someone you find amazing and precious. That surely isnt me.  Please just give me sometime to get my shit together, to get my house fixed up, find an automobile because you are taking away the truck that you bought for me. I need to get a storage unit for the 48 ford and parts and my boat. I also need to hire someone to help me move and sometime to earn some money on E-bay so I dont run myself out of my savings.I will stay out of your hair and you can do as you please.. You already do anyway. Hell, I will even pay for the hotel room so you can get your game on with the woman of your dreams because that surely isnt me.  I know you owe me nothing but maybe you could treat me like family and just give me some time. Your a great man Al. My kids love you, my family loves you and respects you. But then how could they not? Please do not give me a ration of shit or call me names. You cant hurt me or make me feel any lower then I already do.I havent been drinking like you think. I have been in my bedroom for days because I have been so sick, not that you ever checked. And I really dont care if you believe me or not. The only one I am hurting is myself, and no one is worth me killing myself over. But if I want to drink, I will drink. If I want to smoke, I will smoke. If I want to cry I will cry. I am doing the non drinking thing for myself and Dakota not for anyone else., Its no longer your shift for me to die on your watch.. roflmao..  No need to continue talking trash about me to your friends and family. Im sure they realize by now what a piece of shit you ended up with. I promise to do the same. Not that I have ever really said anything bad about you to others. That is your game to play not mine.. Enuf said.. Y'Vonne