Is the Universe against us?

Sometimes during my A, and even now that I am trying to end it, I find that the Universe (God or the Devil?) is throwing things at me to make me run right back into the arms of my OW.
What I mean is that there were plenty of times in the past (before I found this support group) where I resolved to end the A and even began to put distance between myself and OW.  It seemed like each time I got that resolve to reconnect with my W and rebuild the M, BOOM, my W would be in one of those places where all she could do was launch the "you don't do anything right"  constant put-down attack.  The kind of attacks where you just want to run as fast as you can right into the arms of the OW.  In my case the W does not know to this day about the A, but I really believe that even though they sometimes don't know, that us CS's still give off a "cheating vibe"  that seems to bring out negative things in the W.  In the past when these attacks happened I quietly ran back into OW's arms . . . TO BE CONTINUED