is she back?

I'm afraid to hope... which, my friend Mary,  my Christmas angel Mary, would say, "Never be afraid to have faith that God's plan is manifest in your life..." Mary texts me 30 times a day, and it's always right on target. It's always something to make me smile or laugh or hope, and I'm becoming convinced that Mary is my Christmas angel... But I' ve seen my daughter in the past couple weeks. MY daughter. The one I raised. I can see her inside there, and equally amazingly, I can see her OUTside too... her blonde hair is coming back up through the brown, she's gained her weight back, and her figure, her smile is real, her eyes twinkle, she wears mascara and the blue eyes are shining and they crinkle when she smiles again, which makes it a real smile... She looks healthy. And she looks... on the border of "Happy".  What's going to make her happy is success, a feeling of success for herself, by herself. I'm praying harder than I've ever prayed... I need to relax around her though, I tend to go overboard when I see the smallest bit of.. hope. Just relax back into our family. Not our old family, not the one with both parents drinking, and the focus on materialism, the fights... Our new family is focused, good or bad, on COFFEE, and on love and joy. Well, I can only speak for myself here.. New mother. Great, right, just when they're moving out and don't want any more mothering, they get a new and improved mother... I'm not going to  be afraid to hope. I think my true fear is that I can't trust myself, that I will go overboard with the new good vibes, and I will drive her away again, in that way... And so this is my prayer: God, help me to bring my daughters close again, help me to find balance in my reactions and in my reaching out to my daughters, help me to make a safe place for them to talk to me, to confide in me, to seek my help, without fear of judgement or recrimination, help me to be diplomatic and balanced. I just realized I'm asking to be more like my mother! ha ha ha ... hope God has a sense of humor...