Is Life even real?

Today, I have placed my husbands clothes all around the apartment to feel comfortable in it. He passed away a few months ago. I also sit in a flooded apartment where they cant move me because they don't have another one available. I sit here inhaling mole and wet carpet. I sit here with no food in my refridgerator,except the snow ball I saved my husband from where it snow and he was in the hospital I walked from the hospital to home and back to the hospital. My dog got pregnant as he was supposed t take care of my furbaby but she came back and had 6 puppies. I had helped my children so many times and get broke over it , and when I ask for help they complain and stay away until they think I have more money. I attempted suicide 3 months ago but failed, jumping out in front of a car, I can't even get that right.I was born with a rare genetic disorder and agorophobia, and my husband was my support system. 1 can of dog food, and a cup of rice, and 1.16 on my foodstamp card. I wont be able to stay in this apartment as it took both our incomes, now it's just me. I cant go to shelter due to medical issues, so I guess summer is a good time to live outside. I got a sleeping bag. People say God will take care of you, well guess what, there is no GOD,  I do not believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or God. I know im not alone many of you feel that GOD does not exist but will not admit it. I keep asking myself wake up its not real, it cant be. But each day Im still in this nightmare. When my time comes to die, I welcome it.