Is it Time or Thyme?
Thank you all for your words of encouragement...I needed them more this year for some reason...or maybe as time goes on it just seems like more emotion flows at the end of a year than any other time.
The vacation was going really well for the most part, until my Brother decided he would inflict upon me his utterly stupendous views of how I handle my Daughters passing. Allow me to explain...We were driving down a country road listening to the Judd's music...a CD Alexsis gave me for my birthday...and a song came on that reminded me of MayLyn (she used to sing it to me)...it's called Young Love...I sighed...and said out loud..."this was one of Maymay's favorite Judd's songs...and out of nowhere (totally blindsided me) my brother says..."I think you dwell on that too much". In shock I asked him "dwell on what?" and he replied.."MayLyn's death", I had to count to 10 before I calmly replied with..."I never mentioned her death J.D....I only talk about her life." "Would you have me erase her from my world, would that be easier for you?"...Oh how I cried that day and everyday after...how could he? He tried to ..how shall I say...swim backwards??? I asked him if I could not talk about and celebrate my daughters memories with my family...then who should I do that with...strangers? Did they know her???
Anyways...enough of that...I am still pissed off at myself for being so affected by his words...he is my only sibling...and he is so much like my Father...only my Father isn't like that with me anymore...he knows better...he learned that the hard way...maybe J.D. will too.
I spent MayLyn's Birthday alone for most of the day...went to visit with her...it was cold and lonely...I told her how much I missed her and how happy she would be with the progress of her two children...I screamed all alone in the cemetary out in the middle of the woods....I cried...and I laughed...she was probably watching me thinking OMG my Mom has lost her mind. When all of us were together in the van driving back to my Dad's house for dinner the kids and Alexsis, Wayne and myself all busted out with the Happy Birthday song to MayLyn...it was beautiful!!! Made my day!!!
I honestly can say that I am happy this time has passed...and now I need to set some positive goals for next year...not smoking...being more patient...and loving those around me like there is no tomorrow,,,
I love, respect and I am highly grateful for each and everyone of you!!!
Walking beside you always...
Jacqueline PLH
The vacation was going really well for the most part, until my Brother decided he would inflict upon me his utterly stupendous views of how I handle my Daughters passing. Allow me to explain...We were driving down a country road listening to the Judd's music...a CD Alexsis gave me for my birthday...and a song came on that reminded me of MayLyn (she used to sing it to me)...it's called Young Love...I sighed...and said out loud..."this was one of Maymay's favorite Judd's songs...and out of nowhere (totally blindsided me) my brother says..."I think you dwell on that too much". In shock I asked him "dwell on what?" and he replied.."MayLyn's death", I had to count to 10 before I calmly replied with..."I never mentioned her death J.D....I only talk about her life." "Would you have me erase her from my world, would that be easier for you?"...Oh how I cried that day and everyday after...how could he? He tried to ..how shall I say...swim backwards??? I asked him if I could not talk about and celebrate my daughters memories with my family...then who should I do that with...strangers? Did they know her???
Anyways...enough of that...I am still pissed off at myself for being so affected by his words...he is my only sibling...and he is so much like my Father...only my Father isn't like that with me anymore...he knows better...he learned that the hard way...maybe J.D. will too.
I spent MayLyn's Birthday alone for most of the day...went to visit with her...it was cold and lonely...I told her how much I missed her and how happy she would be with the progress of her two children...I screamed all alone in the cemetary out in the middle of the woods....I cried...and I laughed...she was probably watching me thinking OMG my Mom has lost her mind. When all of us were together in the van driving back to my Dad's house for dinner the kids and Alexsis, Wayne and myself all busted out with the Happy Birthday song to MayLyn...it was beautiful!!! Made my day!!!
I honestly can say that I am happy this time has passed...and now I need to set some positive goals for next year...not smoking...being more patient...and loving those around me like there is no tomorrow,,,
I love, respect and I am highly grateful for each and everyone of you!!!
Walking beside you always...
Jacqueline PLH
Replies
We can all take a lesson from you today my friend... counting to 10 and not reacting to his comment allowed you to say what was in your heart. I suspect he will be thinking about this and if not at least you have put it out there. You are celebrating your daughter and talking about her life and I wonder if it isn\'t again that our loved ones just don\'t know how to BE with us on this journey so they just wish we would not go there so that they don\'t have to feel uncomfortable or at a loss? I\'m know how his comment stung and for that I\'m sorry. It feels as if you celebrated MayLyn\'s birthday just as you needed to. Feeling it all... Sending you all kinds of positive thoughts as we each enter into a New Year filled with possibilities for more healing and well-being. Gentle care my friend. Love and hugs, Joanie
Well, I think you handled it perfectly. I have a feeling that brother knows a bit more about how to talke to a grieving mom. Happy Birthday to MayLyn and I am sure she is proud of you. Now on to another season...love to you...Karen
They really really do not understand .....as I said to my husband the other day. All he could say was I know. God as I scrubbed my feet in the tub last evening the thought crossed my mind \" these are the same feet that carried me when Dave was in my belly for 9 months\" and I wished he was still there safe and sound. Marilyn
It amazes me how folks who have also lived through our children\'s lives can just \'erase\' them .. maybe it is how they cope but please don\'t expect me to just ignore what has been some of the best parts of my life, being mother to my precious chld...
i still have a sister that does that to me...and it hurts so bad...and then after it hurts me and makes me forever cry i want to find her and slap her so hard!!! she has NO clue how it feels and how u try to learn to deal and cope with it each day...THEY HAVE NO CLUE!!.....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MayLyn
walking beside u always and now into another new year...luv you bunches
I think you handled it perfectly as well. We can\'t just shut down and never speak of our children! I tell strangers about my sweetNathan everytime an opening comes up. Your brother needed to learn the lesson, now you can move on. He will understand your comments from now on and be reluctant to say anything negative. And now that he know\'s how you feel, maybe he will come up with some memories of his own. Love and hugs, Danette, SweetNathan\'s mom
My sister use to do that to me when she was alive. Tell me to get over it and get on with my life. Like you said we are always going to have the memories of our children and we will always talk about them as long as someone will listen & even if they don\'t we can go & talk to our children & I know that they are still listening to use. Hope that you brother never has to understand how we all are handling our lifes without our children....Love & Hugs, connie
Jacqueline. i agree with our other sisters of the heart. You handled that anmazingly well. sometimes I feel the only true understanding is here, at FMO. On Eddie\'s first Angel date in September - who remembered my son and honored him and his life by acknowledging him? All of you. Not my brother, not my mother. I will be eternally grateful to all of you for all your unwavering support. You can tell me about sweet MayLyn anytime. I am HONORED to know her through her loving Momma. Gentle hugs, Linda
There will always be these comments, I think especially from family, and they cut even deeper because it is family. I still carry an emotional dumbweight from right after Christophers\' passing. It was his paternal not so \"grand\"father.
There are many reasons people say stupid and hurtful things.....and without exception the battle is not with the target of their ignorance, the battle is with themselves.
That\'s a great Judd song by the way! I will think of you and your beautiful Maymay when I hear it.
Love and light, Rebecca
I can understand the pain you must have felt when your brother said that! I don\'t think people mean to be insensitive but some really are. They really think that not talking about stuff will cure it all. My SIL is like that. He doesn\'t say anything to me because he knows I would probably deck him! I make a point of talking about Lisa every chance I get.
You handled it well. I wish you well in the new year with your new goals and honoring Maymay each time you listen to the Judds.
Hugs and love,
Marlene - Lisa\'s mum
I think you used wisdom in your reply to your brother. I am glad you and the family sang Happy Birthday to your daughter! What wonderful love. I wish you much success with your goals for the coming year. Love and hugs, dale...brandon\'s mom
Good job.