Is it Time or Thyme?
Thank you all for your words of encouragement...I needed them more this year for some reason...or maybe as time goes on it just seems like more emotion flows at the end of a year than any other time.
The vacation was going really well for the most part, until my Brother decided he would inflict upon me his utterly stupendous views of how I handle my Daughters passing. Allow me to explain...We were driving down a country road listening to the Judd's music...a CD Alexsis gave me for my birthday...and a song came on that reminded me of MayLyn (she used to sing it to me)...it's called Young Love...I sighed...and said out loud..."this was one of Maymay's favorite Judd's songs...and out of nowhere (totally blindsided me) my brother says..."I think you dwell on that too much". In shock I asked him "dwell on what?" and he replied.."MayLyn's death", I had to count to 10 before I calmly replied with..."I never mentioned her death J.D....I only talk about her life." "Would you have me erase her from my world, would that be easier for you?"...Oh how I cried that day and everyday after...how could he? He tried to ..how shall I say...swim backwards??? I asked him if I could not talk about and celebrate my daughters memories with my family...then who should I do that with...strangers? Did they know her???
Anyways...enough of that...I am still pissed off at myself for being so affected by his words...he is my only sibling...and he is so much like my Father...only my Father isn't like that with me anymore...he knows better...he learned that the hard way...maybe J.D. will too.
I spent MayLyn's Birthday alone for most of the day...went to visit with her...it was cold and lonely...I told her how much I missed her and how happy she would be with the progress of her two children...I screamed all alone in the cemetary out in the middle of the woods....I cried...and I laughed...she was probably watching me thinking OMG my Mom has lost her mind. When all of us were together in the van driving back to my Dad's house for dinner the kids and Alexsis, Wayne and myself all busted out with the Happy Birthday song to MayLyn...it was beautiful!!! Made my day!!!
I honestly can say that I am happy this time has passed...and now I need to set some positive goals for next year...not smoking...being more patient...and loving those around me like there is no tomorrow,,,
I love, respect and I am highly grateful for each and everyone of you!!!
Walking beside you always...
Jacqueline PLH
The vacation was going really well for the most part, until my Brother decided he would inflict upon me his utterly stupendous views of how I handle my Daughters passing. Allow me to explain...We were driving down a country road listening to the Judd's music...a CD Alexsis gave me for my birthday...and a song came on that reminded me of MayLyn (she used to sing it to me)...it's called Young Love...I sighed...and said out loud..."this was one of Maymay's favorite Judd's songs...and out of nowhere (totally blindsided me) my brother says..."I think you dwell on that too much". In shock I asked him "dwell on what?" and he replied.."MayLyn's death", I had to count to 10 before I calmly replied with..."I never mentioned her death J.D....I only talk about her life." "Would you have me erase her from my world, would that be easier for you?"...Oh how I cried that day and everyday after...how could he? He tried to ..how shall I say...swim backwards??? I asked him if I could not talk about and celebrate my daughters memories with my family...then who should I do that with...strangers? Did they know her???
Anyways...enough of that...I am still pissed off at myself for being so affected by his words...he is my only sibling...and he is so much like my Father...only my Father isn't like that with me anymore...he knows better...he learned that the hard way...maybe J.D. will too.
I spent MayLyn's Birthday alone for most of the day...went to visit with her...it was cold and lonely...I told her how much I missed her and how happy she would be with the progress of her two children...I screamed all alone in the cemetary out in the middle of the woods....I cried...and I laughed...she was probably watching me thinking OMG my Mom has lost her mind. When all of us were together in the van driving back to my Dad's house for dinner the kids and Alexsis, Wayne and myself all busted out with the Happy Birthday song to MayLyn...it was beautiful!!! Made my day!!!
I honestly can say that I am happy this time has passed...and now I need to set some positive goals for next year...not smoking...being more patient...and loving those around me like there is no tomorrow,,,
I love, respect and I am highly grateful for each and everyone of you!!!
Walking beside you always...
Jacqueline PLH
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