Is it all hopeless?
It’s hard to be alone. To live your life on the sidelines while everyone around you is moving onto happier things. Getting married, having children, creating a family. I’m 28 years old and what do I have to show for my years? 5 cats, about $25,000 in debt thanks to HECS fees that were for uni (useless since I didn’t actually complete the term), and a crapload of broken dreams, lost chances and missed opportunities.
When I was little all I ever wanted to do was write. I wrote some stupid child’s poem about love, and some silly novel about my dogs in a world where they could talk, fighting crime: kicking ass and taking names. I had so many hopes. I was so optimistic about life. I was going to be a vet or a lawyer or some amazing job. I was going to get married at 18 to the love of my life, and he’d love me more than life myself. I was going to be a singer, a musician, an artist… I was going to be SOMEONE.
But here I am, 28, no job, no love, no success, nothing. Instead of being SOMEONE I’ve become NOONE.
My mum used to tell me this story about how my life was saved twice. Once by my older brother, Peter, and once by Peter’s dog, Tinker. I used to listen and smile at those stories. Now I just sit here and wonder why. Why the hell was I saved? What the hell for? Can someone please answer me that? What the hell have I done to deserve life? What have I ever offered the world or anyone in it?
I’m sorry that this entry is so down. I’m trying to stay upbeat and positive. I just… don’t know if I have any hope anymore. I used to think things could change but I don’t know anymore. Maybe I’m beyond saving.
I think it’s time to call it a night. Take my meds, take a sleeping tablet and do it all again tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will be brighter. I’m sure it will.
Night all.
P.S. DS needs more themes or at least a place to enter our own.
When I was little all I ever wanted to do was write. I wrote some stupid child’s poem about love, and some silly novel about my dogs in a world where they could talk, fighting crime: kicking ass and taking names. I had so many hopes. I was so optimistic about life. I was going to be a vet or a lawyer or some amazing job. I was going to get married at 18 to the love of my life, and he’d love me more than life myself. I was going to be a singer, a musician, an artist… I was going to be SOMEONE.
But here I am, 28, no job, no love, no success, nothing. Instead of being SOMEONE I’ve become NOONE.
My mum used to tell me this story about how my life was saved twice. Once by my older brother, Peter, and once by Peter’s dog, Tinker. I used to listen and smile at those stories. Now I just sit here and wonder why. Why the hell was I saved? What the hell for? Can someone please answer me that? What the hell have I done to deserve life? What have I ever offered the world or anyone in it?
I’m sorry that this entry is so down. I’m trying to stay upbeat and positive. I just… don’t know if I have any hope anymore. I used to think things could change but I don’t know anymore. Maybe I’m beyond saving.
I think it’s time to call it a night. Take my meds, take a sleeping tablet and do it all again tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will be brighter. I’m sure it will.
Night all.
P.S. DS needs more themes or at least a place to enter our own.
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