is it me
Well today I broke down into tears because I dont know what's going on with me and it concerns me. It's to the point I am scared to sleep for fear of what I might do because of my thoughts. I have been seeing my counselor and she says or thinks that I am codependent. I was reading up on codependency and it's not a good thing. It's making me question everything about myself such as if I'm a good person or if it's just my disorders talking.
The thoughts dont let up, they make me question everything about myself. For four years I have been plagued by this, to the point that it makes me cry. I'm trying to figure out why I'm crying, is it because I know that I'm really a bad person or that I know different and i dont want to do anything to become a bad person. I just wish the thoughts would leave me alone. Tonight, I am drinking a glass of wine and having stew for dinner, hopefully the wine will relax me. Work has been going well, I like the fact that I'm able to help others that have it worse than me, but at the same time I'm wondering if they really have it worse than me because they dont have harm ocd, and have several labels put on them such as codependent, depressed, ocd, and ptsd. I just wish i could be normal without having to worry about this.
The thoughts dont let up, they make me question everything about myself. For four years I have been plagued by this, to the point that it makes me cry. I'm trying to figure out why I'm crying, is it because I know that I'm really a bad person or that I know different and i dont want to do anything to become a bad person. I just wish the thoughts would leave me alone. Tonight, I am drinking a glass of wine and having stew for dinner, hopefully the wine will relax me. Work has been going well, I like the fact that I'm able to help others that have it worse than me, but at the same time I'm wondering if they really have it worse than me because they dont have harm ocd, and have several labels put on them such as codependent, depressed, ocd, and ptsd. I just wish i could be normal without having to worry about this.
Replies
Alcoholic parent here, and I\'ve had to fight codep all my adult life. It\'s not impossible, just difficult. (Also PTSD, yay me?)....
As for normal? What is that? According to my therapist, it\'s a nice concept, but it\'s a spectrum, not a single little box. ...
For what it\'s worth? I\'m convinced half th etime I\'m a horrible person, and the other half I\'m terrified I will be one. VEnt it out, Happy.
it\'s just hard because i\'m scared to go to sleep because i\'m lost in the fact that I\'m wondering who I am, I never questioned it before my trauma