Is guilt normal?
Hello Pete,
Merry Christmas. I did okay maybe because I was so busy slopping water out of Granny's house as you well know. I had some tears and alot of anxiety yesterday on the Anniversary of my new life without you. But I think I did rather well.
I have been thinking a lot about what this all means for me right now. I know you hear my thoughts and see all I do. I know you understand my worries and fears, but now I have guilt. As a living married couple there is a commitment and loyalty we vowed...I am not sure how to transition from that to a commitment to me and my happiness because you are no longer on this earth...
I wait for your answer when I make decisions, when someone says I will meet new friends I feel like I am not true to you, I try to picture a different life although very much the same, those little differences make me feel like I am throwing you away, dreaming of things I want to do and I wonder what you would want to do-- I still wait for you, your input, your voice, your opinion, always waiting for you like I always did before.
I feel guilt for waiting, for new ways of thinking, for moving forward, and for dreams not including you.
How do I share the journey with you and yet be true to me? I thought how this is a new chapter meant for discovering me and have had guilt anxiety for 2 days now. You know I have always been last because I loved taking care of everyone before me; now I don't know me and I have to discover who I am and yet its there again-- GUILT!
Merry Christmas. I did okay maybe because I was so busy slopping water out of Granny's house as you well know. I had some tears and alot of anxiety yesterday on the Anniversary of my new life without you. But I think I did rather well.
I have been thinking a lot about what this all means for me right now. I know you hear my thoughts and see all I do. I know you understand my worries and fears, but now I have guilt. As a living married couple there is a commitment and loyalty we vowed...I am not sure how to transition from that to a commitment to me and my happiness because you are no longer on this earth...
I wait for your answer when I make decisions, when someone says I will meet new friends I feel like I am not true to you, I try to picture a different life although very much the same, those little differences make me feel like I am throwing you away, dreaming of things I want to do and I wonder what you would want to do-- I still wait for you, your input, your voice, your opinion, always waiting for you like I always did before.
I feel guilt for waiting, for new ways of thinking, for moving forward, and for dreams not including you.
How do I share the journey with you and yet be true to me? I thought how this is a new chapter meant for discovering me and have had guilt anxiety for 2 days now. You know I have always been last because I loved taking care of everyone before me; now I don't know me and I have to discover who I am and yet its there again-- GUILT!
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