Is age truly just a number?..
The past month has been pretty exhausting, from the doctor's appointments to the many changes I have made/continue to make in my life. As hectic and crazy as things may be I feel like I am holding it together. I have my bad days like everyone else, but I feel like I am handling them 100% better.
I think about where I was around this time one year ago and I cannot believe the difference. Last year I was all about getting wrecked in a bar with people I knew didn't really care about my health or well being. I was reckless, and stupid. I was completely depressed and out of hand. I didn't care about myself or my future. It was hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I think about the girl I used to be and wonder how I let myself live like that for so long. I can only blame myself for the mistakes I have made because unlike others it took me years to admit I had issues and years to change. I have always wondered why I got the shitty end of the stick and I truly believe all that negativity went on because i CHOSE that path. I will never walk down that path again.
I made a very big step recently and decided to go back to school. By September I will officially be a college girl. It feels weird to even say that.. Crystal the college girl. I feel this huge way of happiness, excitement, and nervousness all wrapped up in one. But, I have this amazing feeling about it. Like.. once I walk through those doors the steps to my future will finally be visible. My parents never went to college, nor my siblings, so I will officially be the first in my immediate family. I know I have to wait until the summer, but I wish it was now. I feel like this is the first step towards the life I want to live, and I couldn't be more happy.
It was very hard to make this decision because i originally planned to move to PA with my best friend and her family. It was a constant thought for months. I even went as far as picking a school out there, but I realized I can't do anything or go anywhere until I fix my life where I (excuse my French) fucked it up. I really want to work/live outside of NY. I want to experience life in other places but I really want to get my associates before I do anything. That is my plan, and I am sticking to it. Because she is family to me, she understood and accepted my decision. I am going to miss her...
Lately I have just been trying to have some fun. I will go out with my favorite female friend and go see some awesome cover bands play. Have a couple drinks (responsibly of course) and just have fun. It has been nice not coming home drunk or wake up hungover regretting my actions from the previous night. I feel like I have truly been sticking to my changes. I have let a couple more people go in my life because they don't respect my changes. That's okay. I am better off without them. I don't need a bunch of friends to be happy, just the true ones that stick by me no matter what, vice versa.
I have a question: Is age truly just a number? For as long as I could remember I have been attracted to older men. Romantically and most of all sexually. Now, don't get me wrong I have dated guys my own age but very quickly I get bored. As far as sex goes, I mean if you are in the moment you are in the moment, that's it. But, I find it difficult to really want them when they are not around. When it comes to older men, (If I do meet someone) I am constantly thinking about them, craving them when they aren't there, and well.. in their presence I melt like butter. Lol! My preference is between 30-40. (I am 25). It's not only a physical attraction but a mental one as well. I don't connect with guys my age. We don't think the same way. I try to force a connection or try to understand them but it doesn't work and they start to bore me. Older men on the other hand? Completely different. Only problem? They think the age is an issue. They automatically think I am the stereotype of my age: Immature. Clingy. Dramatic. High maintenance. I am COMPLETELY the opposite of that. I am not my age. I am not like most girls my age. If they took the time out to get to know me, they would realize that.
I love a strong older, mature man. I don't think that will ever change. I just hope someday I will meet someone who will actually take the time out to get to know me, and not fear me because of my age. Or will I have to wait until I am out of the 20s to get what I want?
Sexy older man where are you? Come find me! I am waiting with open arms. Lol =)
I think about where I was around this time one year ago and I cannot believe the difference. Last year I was all about getting wrecked in a bar with people I knew didn't really care about my health or well being. I was reckless, and stupid. I was completely depressed and out of hand. I didn't care about myself or my future. It was hard to even get out of bed in the morning. I think about the girl I used to be and wonder how I let myself live like that for so long. I can only blame myself for the mistakes I have made because unlike others it took me years to admit I had issues and years to change. I have always wondered why I got the shitty end of the stick and I truly believe all that negativity went on because i CHOSE that path. I will never walk down that path again.
I made a very big step recently and decided to go back to school. By September I will officially be a college girl. It feels weird to even say that.. Crystal the college girl. I feel this huge way of happiness, excitement, and nervousness all wrapped up in one. But, I have this amazing feeling about it. Like.. once I walk through those doors the steps to my future will finally be visible. My parents never went to college, nor my siblings, so I will officially be the first in my immediate family. I know I have to wait until the summer, but I wish it was now. I feel like this is the first step towards the life I want to live, and I couldn't be more happy.
It was very hard to make this decision because i originally planned to move to PA with my best friend and her family. It was a constant thought for months. I even went as far as picking a school out there, but I realized I can't do anything or go anywhere until I fix my life where I (excuse my French) fucked it up. I really want to work/live outside of NY. I want to experience life in other places but I really want to get my associates before I do anything. That is my plan, and I am sticking to it. Because she is family to me, she understood and accepted my decision. I am going to miss her...
Lately I have just been trying to have some fun. I will go out with my favorite female friend and go see some awesome cover bands play. Have a couple drinks (responsibly of course) and just have fun. It has been nice not coming home drunk or wake up hungover regretting my actions from the previous night. I feel like I have truly been sticking to my changes. I have let a couple more people go in my life because they don't respect my changes. That's okay. I am better off without them. I don't need a bunch of friends to be happy, just the true ones that stick by me no matter what, vice versa.
I have a question: Is age truly just a number? For as long as I could remember I have been attracted to older men. Romantically and most of all sexually. Now, don't get me wrong I have dated guys my own age but very quickly I get bored. As far as sex goes, I mean if you are in the moment you are in the moment, that's it. But, I find it difficult to really want them when they are not around. When it comes to older men, (If I do meet someone) I am constantly thinking about them, craving them when they aren't there, and well.. in their presence I melt like butter. Lol! My preference is between 30-40. (I am 25). It's not only a physical attraction but a mental one as well. I don't connect with guys my age. We don't think the same way. I try to force a connection or try to understand them but it doesn't work and they start to bore me. Older men on the other hand? Completely different. Only problem? They think the age is an issue. They automatically think I am the stereotype of my age: Immature. Clingy. Dramatic. High maintenance. I am COMPLETELY the opposite of that. I am not my age. I am not like most girls my age. If they took the time out to get to know me, they would realize that.
I love a strong older, mature man. I don't think that will ever change. I just hope someday I will meet someone who will actually take the time out to get to know me, and not fear me because of my age. Or will I have to wait until I am out of the 20s to get what I want?
Sexy older man where are you? Come find me! I am waiting with open arms. Lol =)
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