Irritable today
Yesterday Joe was out instacarting and got cussed out by a customer for wearing a political themed ballcap.
I also got a frantic call from him as I was leaving work. Apparently his phone had died on his last order and he was late getting the order to the customers. I got to the store and let him borrow my phone and went out on the delivery with him. The whole time he was ranting about how terrible these people are and got pissed when I told him both incidents were his fault--you should never ask for trouble while wearing a political hat especially on the job and it's not the customers fault his phone died. He asked me what side I was on and I remained silent.
I've always tried to be accountable for my mistakes and it irks me when people are not. It's another mark against him. I'm not perfect by any means but it was just very unattractive. Of course.. this gave him a good reason to come home drunk again last night. He woke me from a deep sleep just rambling. By the time he got done rambling I was wide awake and he was snoring in my ear.
I got up and went to the couch. This morning I was not rested and i was irritated while he slept in and I got ready for work.
I'm getting closer to cutting my losses.
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Inside my strictly personal psychoweirds, my irritation from other people refusing to stand accountable for *their* mistakes typically points me to places where I need to ply self-forgiveness exercises. Ouch. . . I have some epic fuck ups I still haven't forgiven myself for and? ? ? Well? ? ? Shit. . . Who wrote these fucking rules, anyway?
On those rare and precious days that I can be forgiving and tolerant of my own fuck ups, I can easily listen with my ears open and my mouth shut. Gentle empathy, friend. One way or another, Life has a way of working it out.
But then, of course, we get to the people who I have to share clutter space with. . . Their messes always look messier.
Joe's resistance to taking responsibility for his actions, reminds me of a time... years ago when I was still married. We were going someplace....I forget where, and I had a heavy foot with the gas pedal. I did not have much patience in those days, and always wanted to get where I had to be,...in a hurry... I also had a fair amount of speeding violations on my record.
So there was this one time when I got pulled over by a cop in another town. My wife was with me at the time. I told my wife, I would cleverly talk my way out of this one. I thought I knew all the tricks. So the cop told me how fast I was going over the limit and I explained I was from out of town and didn't see the sign. I was so sure he was going to let me off with a warning when my wife chimes in. 'Officer! He was speeding, now do your job and give him a ticket!" I was mortified! Even the cop admitted he was going to let me go until wife spoke up" I was so pissed at her at the time because she was not on my side, but I didn't say anything, however, it made me watch the signs much more carefully when she was with me....That was the day, she stopped enabling my unsafe driving. As angry as I was...., I deserved it. I never would have slowed down otherwise. She did me a favor that day, even though it seemed she was not on my side.
Now, I am older, and more mature, and I know better....Thank God!