IOP Day 1
Had my first day of IOP. 3 hours of group therapy. The group leader was nice and didn't make me talk. I'm sure she'll pry me open tomorrow though. I know what i need is help acknowledging, recognizing, naming and feeling emotions without ending up dissociating or having a panic attack or wanting to cut. I could see how the leader was encouraging each person to feel the feelings. So, this could be good.
Therapists often ask "What are you afraid will happen if..." fill in the blank - you feel anger towards your mother, you cry, etc. I think I figured out today what I'm afraid of in regards to those emotions. I'm afraid if I let myself feel them, I'll end up dissociating and not be able to come back. Lose control. End up staring at the wall, indefinitely.
When the room got emotionally charged, I was having thoughts of cutting. I noticed that there is a lock on the bathroom door and they don't check you for sharp objects upon entering.... sorry. My mind should not be going there. I will not cut for the duration of my going to IOP. At home or there. None. Whatsoever. If after 3 weeks I still want to cut, the group didn't help, and I seek a new solution.
In calorie range today! In range for carbs, proteins and fats too! Sweet! No exercise though. I had to teach piano lessons tonight, and leaving early for IOP I won't have time to exercise in the morning anymore. Tomorrow hopefully I'll exercise after my afternoon nap. (Today that nap was from 1:30-6!!!)
Therapists often ask "What are you afraid will happen if..." fill in the blank - you feel anger towards your mother, you cry, etc. I think I figured out today what I'm afraid of in regards to those emotions. I'm afraid if I let myself feel them, I'll end up dissociating and not be able to come back. Lose control. End up staring at the wall, indefinitely.
When the room got emotionally charged, I was having thoughts of cutting. I noticed that there is a lock on the bathroom door and they don't check you for sharp objects upon entering.... sorry. My mind should not be going there. I will not cut for the duration of my going to IOP. At home or there. None. Whatsoever. If after 3 weeks I still want to cut, the group didn't help, and I seek a new solution.
In calorie range today! In range for carbs, proteins and fats too! Sweet! No exercise though. I had to teach piano lessons tonight, and leaving early for IOP I won't have time to exercise in the morning anymore. Tomorrow hopefully I'll exercise after my afternoon nap. (Today that nap was from 1:30-6!!!)
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