Introduction

I should have seen this coming a long time ago. I like to think I am a strong, independent woman, but I realize that I am much more than that. Every man that I have ever been in a relationship has had the same quality: they let me walk all over them. Even some of the strongest, most stubborn men that I have been with have caved and it's not their fault, it is mine.  I am a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, and a deceiver. I can force tears so that others feel bad for me and that i can turn around whatever situation I am in. I think it stems from my need to constantly control a situation; controlling other people, who have free will, is the ultimate sign of master control and i love it. I am unashamed to admit that I love it and I love having control. However, now my lies and deceit have ruined a relationship with the man I love. I did not cheat, but I added lie upon lie to the foundation of our relationship, and they all came tumbling down. He is currently taking some time to figure out whether we can fix the damage that has been done. But how can we? He doesn't believe a word that comes out of my mouth, and i think that makes it that much harder to try to build trust. Have i ruined this and i just need to experience his loss to finally make me realize the destructive things that i do? Can i save it? I don't know. But I'm looking for anyone that has help to offer. I want to change, I really do. For him, and myself, and the countless other people I've hurt because of my lying.