Internalizing

 
I'm realizing that a lot of what "mean sister" does is to project various thoughts/feelings/actions onto me, such as "how we were" with youngest sister when she was growing up, as I mentioned before. As I thought about it, I realized that what she said may indeed apply to herself, but I could think of many examples as to how what she said did not apply to me. And I knew that no matter what I said, nothing could convince her of my position & nothing she can say convince me of hers.
 
So I got to thinking today: she can project until the cows come home, that does not make it true. I don't have to believe it; I don't have to claim the thoughts/feelings/actions as mine; I don't even have to argue the point, because arguing doesn't make it any more or less true.
 
On a very small scale, here is what happened today: on FB, she posted about a song that our dad liked & said that she, I & youngest used to sing & dance with our dad to it. Now, I don't remember ever dancing with my dad, except at my wedding. (I remember youngest making a similar statement, so I figure that probably happened after I left for college.) My first instinct was to argue the point with her, like I usually do. Then I stopped myself. I knew she'd just argue back with me, and I knew that she would just invalidate any memory that I did or did not have in this regard. So I just said to myself, just let it be. I know that I didn't sing & dance with my dad; it doesn't matter to me what she thinks she remembers. It is not mine.
 
That should be my attitude on all her projections: 1-don't argue/justify/defend; 2-no matter what she says, believes, etc. I don't have to: it is not mine; 3-just let it be--since it's not mine, I don't need to stir it up.