Institutionalisation?
(If you haven't read my last journal entry, please read before this one) I met with my key worker today and completely broke down again. I explained how I was feeling but I've more or less had the same response only with a bit of a clearer understanding of why they are being stand-offish despite me feeling so bad. They think I've become institutionalized. That's why they are so eager for me to get back out into the real world. What they still don't seem to understand is that these suicidal feelins arn't just going to go away are they? Surely if I'm pushed out now I'll be at more risk, under more stress? How can that help? I'm just so confused about what is supposed to be 'treatment' for me?
Replies
I think that maybe being on the outside will lift your spirits a bit. I don\'t know what institution you are in but if it\'s a closed ward it can make you so depressed. Just being able to be outside and walk in the sunshine might give you a happy feeling. I\'m not minimizing your depression. But I was on 72 suicide watch in a mental ward in 2006 and when they released me I felt lost, like I don\'t belong in the real world. I wanted to crawl back and be with the other \"crazy\" people because they made me feel normal. Maybe your team is afraid that this is happening to you. You get too used to be taken care of you might lose hope for ever getting healthy. I also read your last journal. I can understand your anger but hon it\'s not you who is giving them another chance to save your life. You are responsible for your life and if you take it it would be a horrible tragedy but not your team\'s fault.