Insomnia - again
It has been awhile since I had insomnia so I guess I was due! This is a ramble so please feel free to skip this post.
We had a lovely day today. I went on a Jane's Walk with our city councilor. We toured the East Village, a new neigbourhood in the inner city (just across the river from us). It is interesting in that it was the centre for drugs, booze, prostitution, murder and mayhem. The police in their wisdom figured it was best to have all the crime isolated to one area. The new chief had a different vision and you wouldn't recognize it now. It is going to be a vibrant new neighbourhood with hi rise condo buildings, new businesses, a new central library and a new music centre and museum. There are some significant old buildings that are being refurbished so a bit of the history will remain. And the best part is, there are 2 homeless shelters, and low income housing that are going to remain where they are. The focus is on integration rather than segregation. The new condos are very pricey! And very small. But they are selling!
In the afternoon we went to Theatre Calgary see a play featuring the music of Fred Eaglesmith - a singer songwriter who travels around the country in a school bus that he has made in to a motor home. The bus is run on biofuel. Fred reminds me a bit of Woody Guthrie in that he writes about what he sees and hears. He grew up in rural Ontario so has songs about farmers, love and loss. He said he hates 'the theatre' and will never go to see the play but gave his blessing.
I have been thinking a lot about 'the battle of the bulge'. Some of the moms are feeling unhappy about weight gain. It is something I am intimately aware of. It is an issue I have struggled with all my life and Lisa died as a result of overweight and Andrew struggles. Joe is now having issues as he has diabetes and loves sweets.
I am convinced that dieting is making us fat. Every time I went on a diet, I would lose the weight and then put on more than I lost. I remember a doctor telling me that I should lose weight. I said "easier said than done". He smugly told me that he had lost 20 pounds. I told him "So have i; several times".
We were at Chapters last week and I counted 16 diet books on a table, a rather small table at that. All promising wonderful results. All the photoshopped teenagers on the covers of magazines make us think that we are not attractive resulting in a lot of people getting rich on the backs of those of us who wish to be thin. How very sad.
Once Lisa died, I vowed never to weigh myself again. I have only broken that rule at the doctor's office and once when I accompanied my brother when he was flown to Winnipeg for an angiogram. I had to weight myself if I wanted to get on the airplane. I figured that I felt bad enough as it was. I didn't need the scale slapping my fingers too. Instead, I decided to try to lead a healthy lifestyle (within reason - I am not giving up beer and wings!). We try to walk daily, eat healthy at home - most of the time, and what happens happens. It is hardest in the winter when I tend to hole up because of lack of sunlight, ice and snow.
I have to admit that I was not very healthy when I was working. I couldn't walk 5 blocks without feeling tired! At that time I would never have believed that I would walk 300 miles with a backpack when I was over 60! I am fairly fit but still carry more weight than I should. I will never be skinny and that is okay.
We had an absolutely wonderful, relaxing time in Vancouver where we celebrated Lisa's 43rd birthday with Merrilee. What a terrific lady! I didn't want to come home. I feel so at peace by the ocean. Of course it didn't hurt that the sun shone every day. It was raining on the day we flew home. As usual, I began to feel down in the dumps as soon as I got home. The walk and theatre today helped. Tomorrow, I am going to join a group of community members and clean up the riverside. It is a yearly activity. And then my friend and her daughter are coming for dinner. Keeping busy does help keep me sane.
And you my dear SOTH keep me grounded. I really don't know what I would be like if I hadn't found FMO.
Lisa: You would love the play. Actually I suspect you were there - the characters reminded me of your neighbours. They gossiped, quarreled and had each others' backs. Just like Penny, Blythe, Aggie, Shane and Donna. You were in the middle and listened and kept each one's confidence. I know I only know a wee bit of the stories people told you. I don't know anyone who promised not to tell - and didn't. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
We had a lovely day today. I went on a Jane's Walk with our city councilor. We toured the East Village, a new neigbourhood in the inner city (just across the river from us). It is interesting in that it was the centre for drugs, booze, prostitution, murder and mayhem. The police in their wisdom figured it was best to have all the crime isolated to one area. The new chief had a different vision and you wouldn't recognize it now. It is going to be a vibrant new neighbourhood with hi rise condo buildings, new businesses, a new central library and a new music centre and museum. There are some significant old buildings that are being refurbished so a bit of the history will remain. And the best part is, there are 2 homeless shelters, and low income housing that are going to remain where they are. The focus is on integration rather than segregation. The new condos are very pricey! And very small. But they are selling!
In the afternoon we went to Theatre Calgary see a play featuring the music of Fred Eaglesmith - a singer songwriter who travels around the country in a school bus that he has made in to a motor home. The bus is run on biofuel. Fred reminds me a bit of Woody Guthrie in that he writes about what he sees and hears. He grew up in rural Ontario so has songs about farmers, love and loss. He said he hates 'the theatre' and will never go to see the play but gave his blessing.
I have been thinking a lot about 'the battle of the bulge'. Some of the moms are feeling unhappy about weight gain. It is something I am intimately aware of. It is an issue I have struggled with all my life and Lisa died as a result of overweight and Andrew struggles. Joe is now having issues as he has diabetes and loves sweets.
I am convinced that dieting is making us fat. Every time I went on a diet, I would lose the weight and then put on more than I lost. I remember a doctor telling me that I should lose weight. I said "easier said than done". He smugly told me that he had lost 20 pounds. I told him "So have i; several times".
We were at Chapters last week and I counted 16 diet books on a table, a rather small table at that. All promising wonderful results. All the photoshopped teenagers on the covers of magazines make us think that we are not attractive resulting in a lot of people getting rich on the backs of those of us who wish to be thin. How very sad.
Once Lisa died, I vowed never to weigh myself again. I have only broken that rule at the doctor's office and once when I accompanied my brother when he was flown to Winnipeg for an angiogram. I had to weight myself if I wanted to get on the airplane. I figured that I felt bad enough as it was. I didn't need the scale slapping my fingers too. Instead, I decided to try to lead a healthy lifestyle (within reason - I am not giving up beer and wings!). We try to walk daily, eat healthy at home - most of the time, and what happens happens. It is hardest in the winter when I tend to hole up because of lack of sunlight, ice and snow.
I have to admit that I was not very healthy when I was working. I couldn't walk 5 blocks without feeling tired! At that time I would never have believed that I would walk 300 miles with a backpack when I was over 60! I am fairly fit but still carry more weight than I should. I will never be skinny and that is okay.
We had an absolutely wonderful, relaxing time in Vancouver where we celebrated Lisa's 43rd birthday with Merrilee. What a terrific lady! I didn't want to come home. I feel so at peace by the ocean. Of course it didn't hurt that the sun shone every day. It was raining on the day we flew home. As usual, I began to feel down in the dumps as soon as I got home. The walk and theatre today helped. Tomorrow, I am going to join a group of community members and clean up the riverside. It is a yearly activity. And then my friend and her daughter are coming for dinner. Keeping busy does help keep me sane.
And you my dear SOTH keep me grounded. I really don't know what I would be like if I hadn't found FMO.
Lisa: You would love the play. Actually I suspect you were there - the characters reminded me of your neighbours. They gossiped, quarreled and had each others' backs. Just like Penny, Blythe, Aggie, Shane and Donna. You were in the middle and listened and kept each one's confidence. I know I only know a wee bit of the stories people told you. I don't know anyone who promised not to tell - and didn't. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Replies
You are in wonderful physical shape. I have lost weight but I still have no stamina and no strength. Right now I\'m down to 137 lbs and it\'s because I am keeping to the diabetic diet and eating low carbs and low sugar. But I don\'t feel very good, honestly. I want to walk and do things but the energy just isn\'t there. So forget about losing weight, enjoy your activities. I might have to get one of those scooters while in Disney because I can\'t walk too far without feeling faint and you walked 300 miles -- is that for real????? Holly Mackerel -- you and Angela are super women!
You must tell the story, of a 300 mile walk, with a backpack!! You were in your 60s??? Wow!! I need someone to walk with. It is dangerous to walk around here, you will be mugged, lol. You are awesome!!
I just loved reading your journal today, you should be a writer! Even with my skinny legs, I to have belly weight to loose. It comes with age, I think. In order for me to drop pounds, I must eat like a bird and never ever have sweets again. It is a strict diet, salad, only water and oatmeal, but after 2 months it seems worth it. I say it is all about determination and only eating veggies and some fruit. Really starve yourself for the first few days. I find this hard to do today.Walking and walking which is hard on my foot problems, but I cant give up. What a nice journal you wrote, XOX,Debbie
My 300 mile walk was on the Camino de Santiago in Spain. It is a pilgrimage that ends in Santiago de Compestela near the Atlantic. Thousands of people walk it every year. in order to get the compestela (the certificate that certifies that you did it), you must walk the last 100 kilometres. We started in Pamplona. The majority of people start in France and walk over the Pyrenes. We were not quite up to that. The trek would have been more like 500 mile.
It was grueling at times, fun at other times and I would do it again - maybe with a lighter back pack. A true pilgrim stays in hostels which are free, though they expect a donation. One can have up to 50 people in a room! We figured that we were a bit too old and decrepit so stayed in the little B&B type accommodations which are plentiful. We were very very lucky in that we had next to no rain. I have read accounts of people up to their ankles in mud. It was a beautiful walk with a lot of time for reflecting, crying and testing our resolve. And of course, Spanish wine which was dirt cheap and was offered with our pellegrino meals - a pellegrino is a pilgrim. Most places had pilgrim meals which included a salad, main course, a bottle of wine or water and dessert. One village had a wine fountain! It is at a winery. Some of the pilgrims sojourned there for quite some time!
My pack was 16 pounds; Joe\'s was 20. The trek showed us that we really need very little to appreciate life. Many have asked us if we had a guide. No, we had a book and followed the signage. We took the odd wrong turn but mostly we had no problem. Some go with a guide and have a driver haul the luggage. It seemed like a wimpy way to go! It took a month to do it. We had to take a day off when I got a huge blister. We also took a bus for one little bit. It felt like cheating so we didn\'t do it again. We walked about 8 to 10 miles a day to begin with and worked our way up to 15 or so by the end. Our fellow pilgrims were from every corner of the earth. Many Europeans of course, but also Australians, Brazilians etc.
We are lucky in that we are fit - more or less, though I am feeling my age these days.
This morning we did our yearly Riverfront clean up. The embankment is steep in places and thick with trees and shrubs. The homeless people like to camp there so we find interesting garbage. Rubber gloves are a must! I used to be able to navigate the hills with more grace. Today was a bit of a struggle. I don\'t have the strength I had. And my back was not pleased with me. Yuck!
I actually met a homeless man. He was very nice. He helped me pick up rubbish and thanked me for doing the cleanup. He said that there were not many people who would do that. He talked about going to work - he has to be up at 5 to be early enough to line up for a daily job. He said he sometimes has trouble waking so early.
I have been babbling again. I hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend.
What a journey that was dear Marlene! I have known of one other women who did the walk with her father and they adored it.
You are always so involved and helping and I know that brings you healing.
Loving care and to keep a confidence as Lisa can do is not the norm. That is a friend indeed. Understanding how much your precious daughter IS missed by many!
XO Joanie
Oh Marlene, I\'m with you regarding losing 20 lbs several times already. I\'ve just packed them back on again over the last few months. It\'s amazing how quickly the pounds come back. Sigh... I must start walking again now that the weather is warm and I stop making excuses.
I loved this journal! I agree that you are a terrific writer. I could visualize everything with your descriptions! I especially loved reading about your pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago! Wow! That must be so memorable! Thank you for sharing this!
Love and tight hugs to you my friend!
Diane
Love your journal and your insightfulness - don\'t even know if that is a real word. Hugs, Ann
Ahhhh, dear friend, with an interesting life. I applaud your walking and see it as an inspiration for myself. I\'m back in bed these last 3 days, but promise to start walking again, again.
I feel guilty having all the sunshine and watching the birds in my backyard from my bed. It\'s comfy and safe and I\'m very good at it. Keep up your mixing it up, love, abby
WOW MARLENE ; WHAT A GREAT JOURNAL I LEARNED SOME THINGS I NEVER EVEN KNEW. AND WALKING 300 MILES AT 60 IS FANTASTIC. I BELIEVE LIKE YOU I,AM 69 NOW I HAVE BEEN ON DIETS AND EXERCIZING FOR SO MANY YEARS EVEN WAS BULIMIC FOR AWHILE HAD TO GO TO HOSPITAL STOMACCCK WAS HURTING SO BAD JUST TO WEAR SIZE 5 AAND WEIGHT 105 I,AM 5\'3. I JUST CAN,T DO IT NO MORE OR KILL MY SELF WALKINNG I FEEL OLD. MY ENERGY LEVEL IS GONE SINCE I HAD THAT HORRIBLE OPERATION AND LOST M Y BREAST. I WANT TO LIVE M Y LIFE NOW ANYWAY I WANT I LIKE BEING IN MY HOME NOW I USED TO RUN EVERY DAY TO RUSHING WALKING 4 HOURS, DIETING, STARVVIN G. NO MORE I GAINED 20 LBS LOOK FAT AND I DON,T CARE NO MORE. I HAVE LOST MY DAUGHTER MY WHOLE FAMILY GONE I WAS AALL FULL OF ANXIETY PLUS WORKING . I DON,T WANT TO DO IT NO MORE I WANT TO RELAX WATCH MY PROGRAMS NTAKE A NAP IN AFTERNOON, AND JUST FEEL FREE OF ALL THE BURDENS I LIVED WITH SO MANY YEARS. . I HAVE EXERCIZED FOR 35 YEARS WALKING, JOGGING, RUNNING , WEIGHT LIFTING AROBICS INSTRUTOR.. I,AM TIRED OF IT. IF I WANT TO DO IT I WILL IF NOT I,AM NOT.. I,AM GOING TO TO DO WHAT YOU DO IT SOUNDS GREAT TO ME. I,AM SORRY I MISSED LIZAS BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZA ANGEL. BIG HUGS AND LOVE MARY ANN HOPE YOU CAN SLEEP TONIGHT. .
Wow you inspire me for sure. Have u seen Martin Sheen in the movie he did about this walk. It was so uplifting. I think I will get it again to watch this week. Maybe I can start to walk too. Have a good week. Hugs, Kathy
Marlene, I know what a struggle with both weight loss and insomnia can be!!! Most of my life was spent in such a way. Your walk sounds incredible and I am impressed!!! Thanks for more info on it. I am trying to get in shape as most of my life past 25 were spent in poor health. (I have now lost 30 pounds without cravings, at least after the last few weeks.) Now I am going to live! I am spending the next month cleaning out stuff from over forty years of accumulation and then see about getting in even better shape. I figure I am building up to it by just intense housework. lol
Sending you love,
Leda
Marlene, I think you are incredible! Your pilgrimage was amazing! I am with you; eat as healthfully as possible and do exercise that is enjoyable. I have lost 15lbs or so trying to just eat \"mindfully\". Making good choices, based on my level of hunger and adding exercise to the mix...outdoors which i love whenever possible but indoors if the weather is bad.
I am sorry you struggle with insomnia...I experience it sometimes too, but thankfully it is not a regular problem for me. Take care and just do what you are doing. You are a remarkable person and always doing so much for others and your community. Love to you and Lisa, Linda
Marlene, you are amazing!! Your pilgrimage, all I can say is WOW!! I can\'t believe how busy you are. You do so much for everyone. I also agree that if we would try and eat more sensibly and not call it a \"diet\" we would do better. But boy do I love potato chips and dip. Thanks for sharing your journal and it was not rambling to me. I so enjoyed it...Big Hugs and much love to you, Nell
Hope your insomnia episode is not long this time. Having interrupted sleep, or very little sleep sure takes it\'s toll.
I think everyday about the battle with \"my bulge\". lol
But seriously...I do. I\'ve been taking baths in place of showers to soak my very sore back. They feel really good, but I can see my tummy as I recline in the tub.
Lately when I look at it I think \"Is that really mine?\" It can be quite discouraging, so I do what I can....when I can.
Wow.....your trek sounds great!!! You & Joe are amazing!
Lots of love,
Vicki
I work out 3 days a week and still putting on weight. I need to drop at lest 15 lbs. I know it is stress that is my excuse. I will one day get to it and lose some weight. I lost 30 lbs once I can do it again. I know I must be mentally ready that is the key for me.
Wish you luck on the weight loss thing
Sending lots of hugs
Penny