Insenstivie friends
Hi, I'm new to this group but unfortunately I'm not new to infertility. My husband and I have been ttc for 2 years and have been doing various infertility treatments for a year. We conceived via IVF in May and lost the baby at 10 weeks. We only shared our struggles with close family and friends and received a lot of support. However I have one friend (a friend who is supposed to be a best friend) who has done so many insensitive things that I am having a hard time being around her. Literally the day I told her we had done IVF and lost the baby she told me that she and her husband were going to start trying. After one month of their attempts she came to me crying about how hard it is. The last few weeks I have taken a step back from our friendship because I am sick of having my feelings hurt, and now she is coming to me like she is the victim and that I am not trying in the friendship. I don't want to attack her and tell her ALL of the things she has done to hurt me. Has something similar happened to anyone else? What is the best way to handle this? I greatly appreciate suggestions!
Replies
I\'m sorry IF has put a strain on your friendship! It\'s seriously IMPOSSIBLE for people who haven\'t gone through it to understand and some are even worse at understanding than others. I haven\'t had this same experience but I\'ve had an experience with one of my best friends who knew we\'d been struggling and her way of telling me that she and her now husband accidentally got pregnant was by texting me that there was something she had to tell me, then adding a baby emoji to the text. SERIOUSLY? Thanks for your sensitivity, FRIEND. Ugh, people don\'t have a clue. I haven\'t discussed with her that I thought it was an insensitive way to tell me about her pregnancy. I\'ve just tried to be happy for her, which is difficult, since she now has a one month old while I\'m still trying and struggling.
I\'m not sure how you should handle the situation with your friendbut if you feel she could possibly understand how you feel, you may want to share with her how you\'re feeling and ways that she could help repair the friendship...starting with not being a stupid self centered idiot ;)
I can\'t believe that\'s how your friend told you she was pregnant!! My DH and I are firm believers that if you don\'t know what to say, don\'t say anything at all! But people feel they need to put their two cents in! So with my above mentioned friend, we had a long talk and I told her how she was making me feel and she said she would be more sensitive. Well that didn\'t last long, the next time I saw her, we felt the need to tell me 3 girls we work with are pregnant and one doesn\'t want the baby (I don\'t think she needed to say this.) then the next time I saw her I was in the middle of a sentence and she literally whipped an ultrasound pic out and blurts \"I\'m 9 weeks pregnant!\" I was happy of her (jealous too!) but then she continued to say things like, \"we are telling everyone because nothing bad ever happens after 8 weeks\" HELLO!! We lost a baby at 10 weeks! Then she went on blabbing about how our struggle with IF has made her feel so lucky...AGAIN! Bad choice of wording!! So I told her I new a break from her because she always has a way of making me sad and cry. But since we stopped talking I feel so much relief...I guess she really wasn\'t that good of a friend after all. I hope that your friendship end up working out much better than this.
I hope you and your family have a great Thanksgiving!!