I woke up yesterday morning having a text message waiting for me.  It was from J's former girlfriend.  She sent it at 4:30AM.  The deal she and J made with J's counselor (she attended one recently) that if J should contact her ~ she would contact me.  She said in the text that he sounded very drunk and that she was worried about him.  Soon after the home phone rang.  It was the office of the new psych doctor J is seeing.  The doctor's secretary called and asked to speak to J who was sleeping.  I woke him up to hand him the phone and he was so out of it and angry with me for waking him.  I insisted he talk to her.  I didn't know what it was about, at first, but I could hear something about finances. So I told him to hand me the phone. I told her that our son is on our plan so he wouldn't be making the decision on his treatment.  She said she didn't realize how young he is. Anyway, the secretary said that they checked with our insurance and couldn't believe how expensive outpatient would be with insurance and wanted to suggest an alternative plan because of the cost.  They thought that instead of J starting Monday morning ~ that we could meet and figure out something else.  Well, I asked if I could talk to J's doctor to let him know the latest.  J didn't start the antidepressant he was given and instead went on a drinking binge.  The doctor then suggested inpatient at a facility that is affiliated with the hospital.  We could meet and do an "intervention".  Originally, we were going to meet about finances but now plans have changed but J isn't aware of that.  I hope he agrees.  He was agreeable to outpatient and he's been talking about wanting to getting away from here so...... keeping our fingers crossed. 
Hubby fell into old behavior.  I came home and found the boys cleaning out the garage. It warmed my heart until I found out my husband was paying them.  Sounds innocent enough but T-Man doesn't deserved to be paid ~ considering his behavior and his disrespect toward me.  Hubby told me that T gave him a sob story and said that he owes money to many of his friends.  My husband thought it was a good idea to have the boys work together and since our garage needed to be cleaned - what the heck.  I was not happy with him and we argued.  Not a good thing - I know. I was just frustrated because he was sabotaging what "we've" been trying to do - to make things as uncomfortable for T as possible.  Hubby commented that he thought I think I'm always right.  I haven't pushed for anything for awhile but I'm tired of T treating us like dirt.  Then yesterday husband paid him.  T wanted more.  It wasn't enough.  Hubby said that that was what they agreed upon.  T wanted more because he wanted to go to a concert with friends.  I didn't get involved in it.  Husband held his ground as T left ~ slamming the door ~ blaming my husband.  I think my husband saw for himself how T can be.  It's frustrating that T doesn't "get it" - even J sees that....... *Hopefully ~ T will come around sooner than later....



yup, yup, yup, i remember those days well. All the treatment decisions, I remember spending an entire Sat. night looking into treatment facilities of one kind or another, in one area or another. my son was dual-disordered, and I knew #1 problem was severe addiction and #2 appeared to be sociopathy, though that sometimes goes with #1. You just can\'t tell till they\'re straight for a while. your son sounds plenty smart but so at sea right now.And it sounds like the ex-gf is not having a good time either. Any reasonable treatment will be a good start, especially if he wants treatment. Don\'t let him get too picky; if he wants treatment just do the best you can by him, and he will take the reins soon after, being told it\'s his recovery.
As for you and husb, just remember, you are in the same boat together and want to get to the same place also, and you each might end up taking different rivers to get there.
My husband now is the best liaison for my addicted son,(he used to be the squish) and still even slips him some smokes money. But they get together for lunch ad just talk, no pressure, and B seems to be figuring things out slowly and getting it together in his own way. This after courts and jails and chases and all manner of arguments and crimes. And counselors.
We are not approached for money any more; husband just gives him some for smokes from time to time as I said. The rest is being paid for by Bob. Except his credit is so ruined from his hospital stay from last Sept that he can\'t begin to pay (somewhere around $33,000) and he hasn\'t gotten the needed charity letter that would forgive the debt.
Sounds like what T pulled was exactly what hubby needed to see. The behavior gets sicker with the progression of the addiction. It doesn\'t stay the same.
Ah, prayer time. For the right choices all around. And hope for J. He needs support even tho his behavior is hard to love. And I hope you and your husband can find some common ground that you can turn to when things get rough, and remember that common ground so you have someplace to stand together.....Prayers....