Infertility haunted me for life
My infertility journey was started more than 10 years ago. Started in mid 30s. Failed IVF twice, experienced ectopic pregnancy once, ruined relationship once because of it, etc.
Four years ago, my current husband and I decided to try IVF for the last time but turned out I wasn't able to produce eggs anymore, I was 42. When I was just feeling of hopeless, my husband's "daughter", who had never been in his life, contacted him that she wanted to meet him, and so he did. She was 14 at the time. I felt anger, sadness, jealous, all kinds of negative feelings when he brought her home for the first time. After the first meeting with her, he said "she could be our daughter". The words hurt me like I've never felt before and I went into depression for about a week. She was not looking for a mom, she only wanted to know him. I am aware it is so selfish and wrong to hope that my husband doesn't want to continue relationship with her. She is very innocent nice girl who only wants to find out her biological father and I have no right to take that away from her. I am jealous because my husband has a child and I don't. Every time I see her, it reminds of me I don't have a child. I am normally happy and strong person and hated myself feeling this way, so I went to see a counselor. She guided me to the right direction and suggested to be a part of my husband and the daughter relationships. So I did try for the past four years. All we did was having lunch together every 3-4 months and I was hoping this relationship won't go any closer. She will be 19 this year and she is meeting my husband's family for the first time on this Easter. It is one step forward to their relationship, and I am feeling back to jealous, anxiety, and sadness again. I hate to feel this way but I can't control how I feel. I talked to my husband about it, but off course he wouldn't really understand and he only thinks I am closed-mind weak person to feel this way. I hope my husband could show me little more sympathy and support, but he thinks I have an issue. He is very strong minded and expects me to be the same. Don't get me wrong, he is a good guy, emotionally attentive and we have a close relationship.
This is why I need to be here with the girls who went through the same experience as I did and asking for your support. I need your help to make him understand it is not easy for some people. Be honest, I can take criticism.
Four years ago, my current husband and I decided to try IVF for the last time but turned out I wasn't able to produce eggs anymore, I was 42. When I was just feeling of hopeless, my husband's "daughter", who had never been in his life, contacted him that she wanted to meet him, and so he did. She was 14 at the time. I felt anger, sadness, jealous, all kinds of negative feelings when he brought her home for the first time. After the first meeting with her, he said "she could be our daughter". The words hurt me like I've never felt before and I went into depression for about a week. She was not looking for a mom, she only wanted to know him. I am aware it is so selfish and wrong to hope that my husband doesn't want to continue relationship with her. She is very innocent nice girl who only wants to find out her biological father and I have no right to take that away from her. I am jealous because my husband has a child and I don't. Every time I see her, it reminds of me I don't have a child. I am normally happy and strong person and hated myself feeling this way, so I went to see a counselor. She guided me to the right direction and suggested to be a part of my husband and the daughter relationships. So I did try for the past four years. All we did was having lunch together every 3-4 months and I was hoping this relationship won't go any closer. She will be 19 this year and she is meeting my husband's family for the first time on this Easter. It is one step forward to their relationship, and I am feeling back to jealous, anxiety, and sadness again. I hate to feel this way but I can't control how I feel. I talked to my husband about it, but off course he wouldn't really understand and he only thinks I am closed-mind weak person to feel this way. I hope my husband could show me little more sympathy and support, but he thinks I have an issue. He is very strong minded and expects me to be the same. Don't get me wrong, he is a good guy, emotionally attentive and we have a close relationship.
This is why I need to be here with the girls who went through the same experience as I did and asking for your support. I need your help to make him understand it is not easy for some people. Be honest, I can take criticism.
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