indentity

There was a fierce wind storm last night and one of our little trees snapped.  One year one of our big trees snapped and it was very sad, but also wondrous to see the roots upended and sticking in the air.  Like the world was somehow upside down.
I got caught in a hailstorm when I was on my walk this morning.  One of those storms where the sun is still shining, yet it is raining, or in this case it was hailing.  I held my hand out and the small ice balls looked so amazing sitting in my hand.  I watched them bounce on the ground around me.  Fortunately they weren't very big or it could have been a bit painful getting pounded on by them.  Right when I stepped up to my garage door it stopped hailing.  I just looked around and wondered how it could stop so suddenly.  It made me think of Eyore, the donkey in Winnie the Pooh, where a cloud follows him around.
I feel like I live so much of my life up in my head.  I think I have always been introspective and imaginative, but I realized from being in this CPE group that I live even more in my mind from having been sick and alone for so many years.  I have my family and people I talk to but this illness has been isolating for me.  I knew my mind was very much my own but didn't realize just how much until I was asked to participate in group with other chaplains.  I have my family, church activities, my kids' activities, and it isn't like I can't relate to other people.  It's kind of strange to explain. 
I always have words in my head that sound pretty darn good until they come out of my mouth.  Eloquent masterpieces become fractured pieces of gobildey gook in transit.  I guess that's why I prefer to live in my mind.
carry on.

Replies

RichieD
RichieD

Soldiers returning from a war have difficulty re-integrating into society. I\'ve heard that\'s because they have experienced things that their family and friends back home have no way of comprehending. Their buddies from the war become their only real friends because they share this life-changing experience and they understand one another.

I think we\'re a little like those soldiers. Our experiences with ME/CFS are beyond the comprehension of people who have not lived with the illness and the marginalization that society imposes on those who have it.

Brain fog turns my mind to Jell-O sometimes. I can\'t think of the words I need and I struggle to communicate verbally. Sometimes people say things to me and I can\'t comprehend what they are saying. I hear the words, but I lose the meaning of the sentences.

Without the captions, I would never be able to follow most tv dramas. I just get lost, I lose track of what\'s going on very quickly. Somehow the captions help with that.
deleted_user
deleted_user

This reminds me of seeing this past week a big tree which I saw that had died and fallen and thinking that even big, solid trees have an end to life. Somehow it was comforting to me knowing that that is just a part of life.