Increasing Clarity
Still feeling a bit down; just got paid & sent out checks for the mortgage & equity payments & put some $ into checking. Final balance is still low. But I'm reminding myself that this is not permanent & it will not last. H started work & I'm hoping his first paycheck is next week.
But on the bright side, I've been going through my "what I will & will not do" list & I'm getting more clarity. For one thing, I've decided to break it into 2 categories: financial & chores. Having done that, I realize that I'm almost "there" with the chores. I just need to have the kids take complete ownership with their rooms and have them pitch in with the laundry a little more. So I think that, especially over the past year or 2, I've made great strides there.
And I know I've made great strides financially as well. After all, I did have a significant credit card debt that I managed to pay off. I have a better handle on what I can & can't afford, and I've gotten the finances in much better order than they were like 5 years ago. Now I've arrived at the point where I know I need to place the worry & responsibility directly where it belongs.
So I've started to break down exactly what I am & am not willing to pay for, even down to the basic amounts. Seeing it in writing has made me realize that:
- I'm still carrying much (but not all) of the responsibility & I'm OK with that. These are for our basic "needs".
- My variable costs are much less than his & I know I can keep a handle on mine
- I really am being MORE than fair.
Now I need to develop a way to approach the subject. In the back of my head, I know there will be emotional pushback; but fortunately, the numbers are so on my side. I think he may argue that the money problem is "our" problem (in a way, it is), but the think is: I'm the one who is actually dealing with it, doing all the bill-paying & money-shuffling & tracking. And it's too much for me.
In the past, I've always dealt with the problem conceptually ("you're spending too much"), but this way, I'm dealing with specifics ("I need you to take charge of paying your own expenses.").
Wow. I really have come a long, long way to reach this point.
But on the bright side, I've been going through my "what I will & will not do" list & I'm getting more clarity. For one thing, I've decided to break it into 2 categories: financial & chores. Having done that, I realize that I'm almost "there" with the chores. I just need to have the kids take complete ownership with their rooms and have them pitch in with the laundry a little more. So I think that, especially over the past year or 2, I've made great strides there.
And I know I've made great strides financially as well. After all, I did have a significant credit card debt that I managed to pay off. I have a better handle on what I can & can't afford, and I've gotten the finances in much better order than they were like 5 years ago. Now I've arrived at the point where I know I need to place the worry & responsibility directly where it belongs.
So I've started to break down exactly what I am & am not willing to pay for, even down to the basic amounts. Seeing it in writing has made me realize that:
- I'm still carrying much (but not all) of the responsibility & I'm OK with that. These are for our basic "needs".
- My variable costs are much less than his & I know I can keep a handle on mine
- I really am being MORE than fair.
Now I need to develop a way to approach the subject. In the back of my head, I know there will be emotional pushback; but fortunately, the numbers are so on my side. I think he may argue that the money problem is "our" problem (in a way, it is), but the think is: I'm the one who is actually dealing with it, doing all the bill-paying & money-shuffling & tracking. And it's too much for me.
In the past, I've always dealt with the problem conceptually ("you're spending too much"), but this way, I'm dealing with specifics ("I need you to take charge of paying your own expenses.").
Wow. I really have come a long, long way to reach this point.
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