In two more weeks....

In two more weeks I will find out if the surgery was a bust or a go...that small bit of hope keeps me going for a while. I try hard not to be hopeful and just ignore those around me whose bellies are growing or who talk about their kids...etc... I do not know anymore if I am up to being a mother. The constant worrying, not having a moment to myself...can I do that?Our adoption homestudy is almost over, however there are still a couple of documents that I need to get. I am so scared that we are getting to old to adopt...so scared that this is it, just the two of us with an ever decreasing immediate family.I need a ray of sunshine to make it through the week.This weekend we are hosting a potluck christmas party at a venue that we rented. Games, gifts etc... are almost bought or created and I am beginning to feel that dread...you know...here I am trying to make an evening special for people and I am afraid that I will get more down because we do nto have a child participating in an evening that we created. I did this to myself...I have no one else to blame but myself for this.I am so sorry for venting, but I really needed to get it out.On top of everything my friend Patty has finally resurfaced and does not want to attend the party but just make an appearance because a mutual friend of ours will be in town for the weekend. I feel used! only when it suits her does she contact me. Well that is everything in a nut shell...For those celebrating American Thanksgiving...have a turkey filled day!